The truth....mostly.

Christmas Symbols

2005-12-26T11:34:00.000-08:00

I saw this in an email from "Freshministry" and wanted to share.

Symbols
As I'm getting older, I find that I like some of the icons of the Christmas season that I once rejected. In the past, decorations and traditions seemed a bit sacrilegious to me. I thought that if I had a picture of Santa Claus in my home or if we went overboard decorating, we'd be missing the real meaning of Christmas. And I suppose that if those things were the final destination I'd have been right.

Today when I see a Christmas tree, I am reminded that the first Adam took the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil from his wife and sinned against a holy God (Gen 3:6), but that the second Adam, took the fruit of that sin and bled and died on another tree to pay the price of that sin. When I smell the scent of the evergreen, I'm reminded that the new life I enjoy because of what Jesus did on the cross gives me everlasting life (John 3:16).

The ornaments hanging on the tree also remind me of what Jesus has done for me. When I see the red ones, I think about the blood of Jesus that He shed for my salvation. The silver and gold remind me of God's blessings in my life and the candy cane reminds me that Jesus is the Good Shepherd (1 Peter 5:4). The white stripes remind me that Jesus was sinless (2 Cor. 5:21). The red stripes that He shed His blood for me (Eph 1:7). Both colors of stripes remind me that my spiritual healing comes only through His stripes (Isa 53:5). The angel on the top reminds me of my responsibility to tell the world that Jesus has come, just as the angel of old did (Luke 2:10).

When I see a Santa Claus, I don't think about the commercialism of Christmas, I think of St. Nicholas, the fourth Century Bishop who was legendary for his kindness and generosity.

All of these symbols are just that-symbols. They are not intended to be our final destination, they are just signs. This year, I pray that all the icons of Christmas pointed you in the right direction and were not your final destination.
-MattMan

Everyone loves "Carolers", right?

2005-12-26T10:42:00.000-08:00

Saw this on a recent escape to Seattle with my wife. It was in the window of a shop called
"Toys in Babeland". I just couldn't resist the opportunity to capture the memory!

Enjoy!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!
-Mattman

On the next episode of "Inked- the family".....

2005-09-23T20:27:00.000-07:00

Who says you're ever too young?

Thanks to the great gals at Mehndi Madness
for doing these for my gals. They love having tatts "just like dad!"
BTW, THEY picked the designs! I'm gonna be in big trouble in about 10 years!
Matt

Brush with fame......

2005-09-23T19:40:00.000-07:00

I have my own business. I am a service electrician. Not always a fun job, but I usually enjoy what I do. And I happen to think I am rather good at it.
On Thursday, I went buy my shop ( which is on my folks property) and my old man was there looking for something. I hadn't seen him in a few days so we caught up for a bit. Turns out he has been doing some work (he is also an electrician) for some rich guy a few miles away. Installing a electric gate at the end of the driveway. But he can't finish, so he asks if I can take care of the rest for him. Sure, I love working for people who have too much money! So I head out. He calls me just before I get there to warn me that the owner, who never seems to be there, is a bit odd (his word). As I pull into the drive way, the first thing I notice is that large log house that takes up most of the property. The second (and not the last) is the large frog statue in the front yard. OKAY?

The job itself is fairly straight forward, so to work I go. Part of what I am doing requires me to connect some wires to the main house. As I am circling the house I notice several "odd" things. One is the large bay window in the front of the house. Now lots of people have bay windows on their homes. Heck, I have one. But not many have a life size "alien" corpse being watched over by a large stuffed black panther!
Don't believe me? Take a look........

So, now I am intrigued. I go around the side and look through the only other window that is not frosted. And I almost wet my pants! Inside, standing at the edge of the loft, is a full size Darth Vader. Sorry no pic, but believe me, it freaked me out. Among the other "odd" things were the mass assortment of weapons- knives, swords, rifles...-hung on almost every wall.
About this time, the neighbor/caretaker shows up. He is like something right out of "Deliverance".

He rides up on a camo colored ATV with a rifle mounted on the handlebars "Just in case" he tells me later. Just in case! Just in case of what? A rabid squirrel? This is the Northwest, not the damn outback!
He starts telling me he watches the place while the owner (Popper is the only name anyone has ever said) is away. So I ask if he's ever around? I wondering when I'll see some money. He tells me "Popper" will be back from being on tour later this week, and may be playing at a local club. Tour? Playing? Who is this guy? So I ask, "What 'band' is he in? I hope its a band, I don't want to sound like I am clueless.
"Traveling blues or something"
!!!!! Blues Traveler, you mean? "Popper" is John Popper, lead singer!

"Yep, that's the one. Never heard of 'em myself." (Travis Tritt would be proud)
Okay, being a sudo-musician myself, it was pretty damned cool to find out that the house I have been working on is owned by a famous rock star. But then it hit me.... The guy is frickin' weird!
Matt

This is just too funny.....

2005-09-22T18:57:00.000-07:00

Ready, set, aim....

Great new Praise and worship CD...Not!

2005-09-19T21:21:00.000-07:00

Saw this on the Wittenburgdoor site........

The weathervane.....

2005-09-16T23:13:00.000-07:00

A stranger was walking through a small country town when he caught sight of a farmhouse, with a weathervane set atop. Nothing so special about that, except, inscribed on it were the words "God is love". Intrigued, that man found himself on the door step of the farmhouse knocking.
The door is answered by a stoop shouldered old man. His face is covered in lines. This is the faces that has seen hard times. Without a word, the farmer invites the stranger in and offers him a cup of coffee and a seat. They begin to talk. The farmer gazing out the kitchen window, the stranger's eyes fixed on his cup. Nothing too interesting at first. Mostly, the weather. Its been a warm summer, and might rain soon. But eventually the stranger askes the farmer about the weathervane. "Did you inscribe it, perhaps to symbolize that love is as changing as the weather?"
The farmer is quiet for a moment, then slowly he turns to the stranger. There is a brightness in his eyes the stranger swore wasn't there a moment ago.
"No." he says, stern at first, but then seems overcome by some long forgotten joke.
"No," he says again, this time with a chuckle. "I inscribed this weathervane such because no matter what way the wind blows, God is still love.
"No matter how bad it gets.
No matter how lost you feel.
No matter how alone you are.
No matter what way the wind blows...
God is there."
This last bit seems to echo through the other wise sleepy farm house. The stranger finishes his cup, thanks the farmer and rises to leave. But before he can, the farmer rests a time beaten hand on the mans shoulder and whispers, "No matter how bad it gets, He is always there."
Without another word, the farmer turns and shuffles off toward the back of the house, leaving the stranger with tears still wet on his cheeks, alone...yet not.

No matter what.
-Matt

Bumbershoot, bad cameraphone, and a Man-Skirt...

2005-09-08T08:23:00.000-07:00

The memorial for my friend, Mitch, whom the last post was dedicated to, will be this Friday at the local LDS chapel. It will be a rough day. So , today, I'm going to try and get a lot out before my brain shuts down for what will most likely be a long weekend.

Bumbershoot!, was this last weekend, here in Seattle. For those that are in the know, bare with me as I try and explain for those that don't. Imagine your local Fair. Food, crafts, crowds of people, performers and artists all gathered in one location. Now imagine that all the musicians and other performance artists that you would buy extra admission to see are FREE. Oh, and the crowds of people.... Some of the friendliest, non-pretentious, polite people you would want to meet. Not like the very much pretentious suburban yuppie scum that seem to dominate the crowds at the State fair here in PNW. You see, the majority of folks at the Bumbershoot festival...Freaks! In the best sense of the word. Everyone is different, so no one is. Better food (Thai, Indian, Mexican, Moroccan, Hawaiian, Greek, African, and all the traditional American Fair fare), interesting product booths (most of which is locally made and/ or organic) and things for the kids to do....For free (at least 10 different free crafts-beaded necklaces, paper flowers, musical shakers, candy-leis....) and did I mention the music?
So it runs from Friday-Monday (labor day) but Shannon (my wife) and I didn't get down till Saturday. The first thing we did was head to the Mainstage area for what I thought was the best mini "concert" of the whole weekend- John Butler Trio.

They are my fav. band right now. Their set (about an hour on average for all the acts) was invigorating. By the end, my wife who will tell you she has no sense of rhythm, was starting to move with the music. You can see from the pic (as lame as it is- hence the title "bumbershoot, bad camera phone....) that there were a lot of people. But here is were that politeness I was talking about comes in. Everyone respected everyone else's space. We were never pushed, and when someone did bump us, they ALWAYS apologized!

Next, after a quick and yummy gyro, we headed over to an indoor venue to see Lemony Snicket do what we thought was going to be a reading.

It turned into the funniest family friendly monologue I have ever heard. He spent most of the hour convincing us he was NOT Lemony Snicket, and in fact Mr. Snicket had been in an Unfortunate incident while at a picnic.

When we were able to catch our breath, we headed over to another indoor concert venue for Visqueen.

I think this was one of the wife's favs. The sound quality in the building wasn't the greatest, but girls that play guitar like she did, ROCK!

Well, that was it for Saturday, but Sunday we came back with the kids (4 & 6). Unfortunatly my POS camera phone wouldn't take anymore pics.
We saw several other bands with them- Pretty Girls Make Graves, Headphones and the Duhks. These guys were probably the most fun. It started to rain about 1/2 way through their set, and by the end it was pouring. But no one left! Instead we were all dancing (including my misses). The kids, despite being soaked had a great time, and the music was super kewl.
Back again on Monday to close out the festival, we started the day off with Dashboard Confessional

I wasn't very impressed with these guys. Their songs all sounded the same, and this particular set was pretty lame. They took a lot of time between songs, yet didn't say anything.
Next we did some Polynesian crafts with the kids- Paper flowers and candy leis- and watched the Polynesian dancers for a bit

before going to see Earlimart. These guys were pretty good, but the kids were restless, so we left early.

All in all, an excellent weekend.

So you've come this far, and you are wondering about the "Man Skirt".
So Saturday, whilst perusing the booths with Shannon, we came upon the Utilikilt tent. It didn't take much persuasion from the guys selling or my wife and I was trying on skirts, sorry, KILTS!
So here ya go.... Another Free man, thanks to the guys at Utilikits.com....

Before I end this, already too revealing post, a big thanks to Jesse. After our conversation the other day, I decided to make this blog a little less anonymous.
Check out the profile here. Thanks J.
ME...I mean Matt

Bad Day....I

2005-09-06T17:20:00.000-07:00

I was going to post about my weekend at Bumbershoot. I was going to upload all the pics of the bands I saw. I was gonna.
I found out this morning that a friend was killed in a car accident.
He was a good guy, a good dad (to 7 kids, the youngest is 3) and a good husband.
He was also Mormon.
As a Christian, I take comfort in the knowledge that if I were to die tomorrow, I would be w/ Christ in heaven. That if my mom or dad, or my wife or my children died, I would see them again in the Kingdom of God. But will I see my friend Mitch again?
There have been a lot of changes in my life over the past year. Changes in my Theology, political views, personal relationships, and my relationship with Christ. I recently had one of the teens in my youth group ask me about those who for whatever reason, may not have had a chance to hear the Gospel of Christ. What has or will become of them? Will God have mercy on them, even though they may not have called him by the same names we western Christians do? I'm starting to question my response. I had said that I do believe God will have mercy. I believe that perhaps those members of far off tribes who maybe worship some parts of nature, are in a way, worshiping Him that created nature, and that his mercy may extend to them.
Sounded right at the time. But what about those here in the west, who may subscribe to something not quite Christian. Mormons, JW's, Baptists.....don't ask, don't ask.
I know a bit about the Mormon faith. Enough to know that they believe in Jesus. But from there on out, its pretty fuzzy.
I realize that there are those religious righties, and hard core "christians" that think anything less than their way, is a direct route to hell. But who can say for sure? I know that for now, it is easier on the heart to lean in the universalism direction. For now (and maybe until I can ask God face to face) I will believe that my friend is feasting with the angels, and watching carefully over the rest of his family.
Well that's it for now, I can't see the keyboard through the tears. If you are of the persuasion, say a prayer today for My friends wife and children. That there loss will be tempered by the thoughts of their father and husband in a better place than this.
Peace be with you Mitch Buchholtz! I will miss you.
ME

WTF? Who's in charge here?

2005-09-05T08:39:00.000-07:00

I saw this on BoingBoing, and was almost brought to tears (if it weren't for the bile filling the back of my throat).

Al-Cajun? Army pub calls some NOLA Katrina victims "the insurgency"
An article on the Army Times web page is referring to American citizens in New Orleans as "the insurgency".

Does this mean the United States is now in an undeclared state of civil war?

From the September 2 article titled "Troops begin combat operations in New Orleans

NEW ORLEANS - Combat operations are underway on the streets "to take this city back" in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.

"This place is going to look like Little Somalia," Brig. Gen. Gary Jones, commander of the Louisiana National Guard's Joint Task Force told Army Times Friday as hundreds of armed troops under his charge prepared to launch a massive citywide security mission from a staging area outside the Louisiana Superdome. "We're going to go out and take this city back. This will be a combat operation to get this city under control."

Jones said the military first needs to establish security throughout the city. Military and police officials have said there are several large areas of the city are in a full state of anarchy. Dozens of military trucks and up-armored Humvees left the staging area just after 11 a.m. Friday, while hundreds more troops arrived at the same staging area in the city via Black Hawk and Chinook helicopters.

"We're here to do whatever they need us to do," Sgt. 1st Class Ron Dixon, of the Oklahoma National Guard's 1345th Transportation Company. "We packed to stay as long as it takes."

While some fight the insurgency in the city, other carry on with rescue and evacuation operations. Helicopters are still pulling hundreds of stranded people from rooftops of flooded homes.

Bad day/ Good wife

2005-08-29T13:15:00.000-07:00

where do i start? everything was fine until i got out of bed this morning.
i was a little late getting up, but not too bad.....or so i though. see the power had gone out last night and then came back on about 20min later. so my alarm clock was 20min slow. damn.
so no time to move all my tools from my truck to my wife's. why move them? oh, i forgot to tell you, the alternator is dead on my truck. but it will start with a jump from my portable starter. only 20 min late for work, and done with my first job in 3 hours. now i can head home to install the new $200 alternator my wife picked up for me (thanks babe!)
but now, as i type, i'm on the side of the freeway, waiting for my wife (thanks again)to BRING me the new alternator. it seems my truck decided it REALLY needed the alternator in order to go any further. oh, and a new alternator belt, too.
wait this parts really great. last night as i was cleaning out my truck (i couldn't see the floor) i stared right at my socket set and thought "should I put that in?.....nah, i won't need it until tomorrow afternoon."
DUMBASS!
luckily, i was able to catch my wife befroe she left to come rescue me.

so, here i sit, waiting. its really warm here in my car, and wouldn't you know it, my windows are electric, and won't roll down with out the car on.
So im sitting, waiting, sweating in the car. no air, no radio. just my trustee laptop. at least for the next 12 min. when the battery dies on this!
AHHHHH!
at least its after noon, so when i'm all done I can go right home and drink til i forget. but do i have anything at home in the fridge?
guess i need one more favor from the wife. ;')

Quite possibly, the funniest thing I have ever read!

2005-08-27T16:39:00.000-07:00

Most Americans are at least familiar with the debate over Intelligent Design VS. Evilution, but I doubt many are aware of the "Pastafarians".

check 'em out here! But use the bathroom first, you made to change your undies after reading.

I like this....

2005-08-15T18:41:00.000-07:00

Something good to chew on from Biscotti Brain.....

Change is good, right?

2005-08-14T21:02:00.000-07:00

Few changes here. Felt like the old look just wasn't me anymore.
Some times I wonder how good or bad is change really? I mean its always getting dropped in between the couch cushions....Sorry, wrong change.
I have a friend who has been making changes in his life for the last, well, 2 years I have know him.
He's in his 30's. Married. Kids. For some time now, he's been trying, and for the most part succeeding, in becoming who he feels God wants him to be. It's a tough road to hoe when you start making changes later in life. Old dog-new tricks and all that. I too, have been making some changes. So why is it some changes come easier than others?
I spent a good part of my life with my head in the sand when it came to politics and religion. I felt that what was good enough for my parents was good enough for me. But I am finding that line of thinking just doesn't work. I have different political views than my Mom and Dad. And my approach to Christianity is much different than theirs. So why is it those things, ingrained ways of thinking, easier to change than say my desire to "fix" everyone's problems. Or change my parenting style? And why is it so hard for others to change, or rather re-think their views?
So as my friend and I work at finding our true selves, why are others still hiding, even running from theirs?

Memories....

2005-08-12T00:17:00.000-07:00

I often joke that I'm and asshole. Maybe its no joke.......

I was reading a blog briefly this morning. One that I had never seen before (and now can't seemed to find again). This guy was lamenting about getting older. Basically he was saying he used to have a pretty good memory, but now he was on some medication and getting older and was forgetting everything. Bottom line was that even though he may forget to pick up his kids from school or turn off the oven, he also was quick to forget hurtful remarks that others mite make. He was okay with that.
I have a completely opposite problem. No I'm not suddenly getting younger, but I am remembering more. Its kinda erie sometimes. I have been taking medication for awhile now to help with some adult ADHD, and it has a few side affects. One is I have lost almost 20 pounds. (Damn I needed that!) and two, I am remembering a lot more. For example, I went and worked on a house (I'm an electrician sometimes) that someone else had worked on. After only a few hours there, I was able to explain to the owner over the phone almost 2 weeks later how something worked, and why he might be having the problem. At the time it was no big deal. It felt natural. But looking back, it was amazing to me. Of course it has its down side, too(no, I'm not wasting away). I remember almost everything, good or bad.
I've always been an easy going guy. Able to let most things slide right off. Punch me in the face, yeah I might get mad, but a few days later, I would have forgotten all about it. Now, better watch it! Another side affect is that I seem to process emotions differently. Used to be I was pretty even tempered. Something bad happened, I would make a joke about it till it didn't hurt anymore. I didn't realize I was doing it until now.
Now, I feel every individual emotion. No cover up.
So over the weekend, I said some pretty stupid things to someone very close to me. Hurtful things. At the time, I thought what I was saying was important. Now, I realize I was just being a prick. I've also come to realize other people have good memories too. And have for quite some time. All though at times I was able to let the hurtful things just slide away, others didn't have that luxury. I took it and them for granted. I may have lost friends because of it, and not even known it.
Well, I have apologized to the person I have hurt, but I know that the pain I caused won't just go away like that. It will probably take some time.....and hugs.....and flowers.....and maybe chocolate.
I will say this, I am damn glad that God doesn't choose to remember all the times I acted like some kinda 'window licker'...... (Lord, I apologize......). I know that because I have accepted his grace, I am fully forgiven. Past, present (although at the moment, I am being rather well behaved) and future mistakes are already forgiven and forgotten. I am not in danger of "losing my salvation". He's not looking for a reason to cross me off his 'good' list. If only people were that quick to forgive, and that willing to forget. But, its not our nature. So I will have to accept that healing from the pain I caused may take a little while.
Thank you Lord for your forgetfulness!
ME

Funny, it doesn't feel like 10....

2005-08-09T01:05:00.000-07:00

This is a bit late. But then, that's how my life usually goes. This last Friday was my wife and I's 10th anniversary. Dang! It just sounds so...so...long. But for the most part, it doesn't feel like its been that long.
We took the kids (4 & 6) camping this weekend. Our first camping trip this year, maybe our last! (but just because we are almost out of summer)
Not what I had in mind for the big 1-0.
So as I tried to ignore my children screaming and fighting, I sat and wrote a letter to my beautiful bride. Unfortunately, I never got to finish it....until now.

My sweet Shannon,
can you believe it has been ten years since the day we said "I do" in that terribly ugly Church in Snohomish? How is it something so long ago can feel less than so? I still remember dancing with you the night we met. How I had brought 3 girls but only danced with you.
All those nights drinking lousy beer.... (thats another post)
How about the winning streak of our co-ed softball team! ;-0
Our first apartment/ house with that crazy guy next door.
The first time we found out you were pregnant. Your first miscarriage.
Our first ( and current) house. Bringing home a small red head in a small car.
All those nights (and days) of bad sex. At least that has changed, right? Right?
Sure there have been some hard times, some good times, some silly times ("black squawks") but over all, I think we have had it pretty good. I have made mistakes, but you have stood by me, and continue to do so. For that I am eternally grateful. You have a power to make me so happy (and at times fairly miserable). You have such a caring heart.
I realize that I hurt you, and that some times an apology isn't always enough. But please know that I love you more and more as each year passes.
I so look forward to what God has in store for us. Whether its working together for a social justice organization, or just standing together worshiping in a new gathering.
What ever the case may be, I hope it brings us closer together.
I am so thankful that you have stuck by me, gently corrected my course when needed, and helping carry my burdens. I only hope you feel the same about me.
You weren't my first love, but you'll always be my last.
Happy (belated) anniversary,
ME

Movies of late.....

2005-07-31T09:03:00.000-07:00

Well, I must say this is the most I typed in a while!
So movies. Let me start with the big screen. You know, where you begin the experience with the approval of a second (or third depending on your movie going frequency) mortgage! Followed by the signing over of your first born in exchange for "real" imitation buttered popcorn and, well I think you get the point.
Then on ward through the velvet rope to the 'Viewing chamber'. Look out for the sticky spot on the floor!
Now to find your VIP reserved seat you paid so much for! What? Someone seems to be in your seat, and saving the entire rest of the chamber for his extended, loud, rude family! Blast, the only available seat is in the front corner. Your neck will be in therapy for weeks!
Ahh, but finally, what you've been waiting for.....Previews! No not the movie itself, but the promise of things you will think you want to see, by know damn well that the loan you just acquired will never be repaid in time.
Three good, one lame and the obligatory cartoon feature.....
Now for the second main event..... That's kinda like 'new AND improved' isn't it?
Willy Wonka, Burton/ Depp style!
I started this movie with fairly high expectations. Visually, it was great. The sets left me feeling 5 years old again. It brought me right back to my childhood, watching the magnificent Gene Wilder.
While Jonny Depp didn't have the same witt and sharp nature as Wilder, he fit the role wonderfully.
Both my wife and children loved this movie, and will probably buy it on DVD. (Or Ill rent it and burn it....no, that would be wrong.)

Next up, rented on DVD, Eulogy.
This was one of those movies I usually pick up, read (for the fifth time) and set back down muttering about next time. Well, this time, my wife picked.
I laughed, I laughed, and then I realized "this could be MY family!"
Funny stuff about a family dealing with the loss of the main character's (a 20 something gal) grandfather. With hilarious performances by Ray Romano as a divorced pervert (with 2 equally perverted 12 yo sons) and Hank Azaria as a failed child star, I would recommend this to just about anyone....Except my mom. She just wouldn't get it.

Next, Danny Deckchair.
This was the heart warming, and almost seat warming (I laughed so hard I almost wet my self)tale of Danny.Danny is an average guy living in a big city. Danny's girlfriend wants more outta life than just camping (which is all Danny really wants to do. So Danny finally has had it and decides to try something outrageous. He decides that at the 'Long weekend Barby' he's going to tie several very large helium balloons to a 'deck chair' (that's a lawn chair in the states) and see if he will make it off the ground. What happens is not only heart warming, but very silly.
Also worth the price to rent.
Well, I had better go. I need some more juice and crackers. I just gave blood to make a few extra bucks to get me into the next movie. On second thought, anyone need a kidney?
ME

Another chapter.

2005-07-31T08:41:00.000-07:00

As my blog-o-pheric friend, Sharol begins the story of her married life, I begin the 11th chapter of mine. This weekend (a week early) my beautiful wife and I celebrated our 10th anniversary. Not much fanfare, but quite a bit of love. We started by ridding ourselves of the small heathens (children) and had dinner at a up scale Indian (as in from India) restaurant, followed by a DVD in the comfort of our own home (see next post for multiple movie reviews) finishing off the night with some marital relations....With the door UNLOCKED ;-0 !
Then Saturday, we pulled ourselves out of bed and drove about 2 hours to hike to Otter Falls.
While the hike was pretty (and about 7 miles long RT)............

...The 'falls' was mostly dry......

Still, we had some of the best conversations this far. I love you, sweetie.

ME

Back....

2005-07-29T16:10:00.000-07:00

Ive been busy living, so haven't had much time to blog. But here is something new.
Enjoy.....

things i hate about everybody
Things I Hate About Everyone
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....
I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually. (ok i do that...but I hate it!)
3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Are they still lookin?
5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the movies and stare at the damn floor.
6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

well, hows that for new and improved? see ya next time, unless i'm staring at the floor while looking for the remote, even though i found it days ago.....bty, what time is it? come on, life is too short and i have cake to eat! and where is that damn bus!?
ME

30 days.....

2005-07-11T22:24:00.000-07:00

Thanks to an anonymous comment,

Or, from the 30 days show Reverend Penny:
"I think God cares more about what we do with our resources than what we do with our genitalia"

I am reminded of my new favorite Reality TV show, 30 days, on FX.
On the show (there have only been 2 so far) the host chooses someone, and places them (immerses them really) with an extremely different culture to see if they are able to adapt and change their view of that culture. In the first show, a "Practicing Christian" from Virginia, is sent to live in Dearborn Mich. with a Muslim Family, for 30 days. He eats with them, lives with them and by shows end, prays with them (although not to the same god, he says) and works with them (I think this is the most enlightenong part for him).
The out come is that the Christian guy sees that not all Muslims are terrorists (some of you are confused. I know this is contrary to what the Bush regime has said) and that most Americans treat them as such no matter what. He goes into this experiment thinking the same thing, but comes away with a profoundly different view.

(What if we could send all the Whitehouse staff to the same place for the same thing? Hmm)
On the second show, the host sends a conservative Christian (is there a patern here?) guy from some other Red state, to live in the Castro, a very Gay part of San Fran, to live with a gay guy for 30 days. That is where the Anonymous comment comes from. During the second show, our Christian guy (there seems to be a pattern here) goes to visit 'Gay Church', where he meets with the Reverend Penny, a gay Christian pastor. He has several conversations with her as to whether or not homosexuality is a sin. Nothing much seems to come of these conversations, though. It is only when our straight guy goes to visit gay guys family (mom, brother-who's a cowboy, and sis) all of whom are straight, and accepting of gay guy, and when our straight guy sits down with a support group of people with gay relatives, that he finally begins to see the human side to these 'other' people. By shows end, he is practically gay himself, but in a very straight sorta way.

Never have I seen such honest, intelligent programming. Its like 'Extreme Make over for the chroniclly Fundamentalist". If only more people could see we are all just humans,all loved by God, trying to make it through life, this world might just be a better place.
So check your local listings, and watch and see where they send the next White Christian guy! Who knows, it could be you.
ME

What have I done?

2005-07-10T17:47:00.000-07:00

I saw this quote from Tony Campolo,
"If Jesus had to choose between stained glass windows and feeding starving kids..... I think he would probably pick the starving kids."
In the aftermath of the G8 summit and the Live 8 concert, and with what those in my home church have been up to (deciding ministry ideas for the coming uear), it made me really question my self. "What have I done with my life so far?"

I really hope and pray that I am able to make the next few years really worth while.
How about you. What are you doing to make this world a better place?
ME

Transformation!

2005-07-06T16:33:00.000-07:00

So, Ive been away for a while. What have I been up to? Decided to try and refinance our house and needed to have an appraisal done. So the misses and I have been busting our backs trying to transform the this shack into something more castle-like.

Before:

Yeah, that's me and my dog!

After:

Well, maybe not exactly........

So after many days and dollars, we had our appraisal today......and......we......
won't know untill friday. :-(
At least now I can relax. I may never get back up on the roof again.

On Monday (that was the 4th, if you were confused, or republican) the Fam. traveled to our local native american reservation for some explosive devices. Actually, I didn't purchase a damn thing! We went to my Aunt and uncle's place (which is right on the beach, overlooking the Puget sound) which is still on the res. (which meant we could light anything we wanted to! Sorry 'bout the dog.) My dad dropped about $150 on fireworks, and I got the job of destroying things. So after a few beers, way too many BBQ ribs, and loosing all my money ($.38) in a few rounds of poker, it was time to show them how its done! My cousin and her new hubby (who happens to be a prick from california, not that the 2 are related mind you) has never blown anything up, ever!. So it was on me to show him how we do it here in Wash. State. He got the hang of it quickly (hold the lighter in the hand furthest away from the bag of explosives) and we had quite a show.

Who's idea was it to have the fourth of july on a monday? Nothing like getting stuffed, buzzed, and staying up way to late blowing stuff up, to ruin you for work the next day!
And wouldn't you know it, I'm too busy to take any more time off for awhile (but Im not complaining, Lord!).
So I'm interested to hear if any one lost any necessary body parts over the holiday?
ME

Been gone awhile

2005-07-06T07:35:00.000-07:00

Promise something new soon.

So come back later.... Or else!

Just a few thoughts on gays and the bible.....He, he, he!

2005-06-25T20:00:00.000-07:00

It seems that a lot the books I've been reading lately have a couple things in common. One of those is the the breaking down of scriptures to the base context of some of the root Greek and Latin words. So I've decided to give it a try myself.

When God said "Whosoever" what did He (or she) mean? Did it mean "except certain groups of people?" According to many so called "Christians" it does! Homophobes, and their ilk, (lesbiaphobes, transvestiphobes, biphobes, beastophobes and other phobes we'd rather not think about) would have you believe that all these genetically determined sexual preferences are not compatible with Christianity. Some even go as far as to say that the Bible prohibits such things. But the Bible nowhere mentions such things, and even if it did, it would not really prohibit such behavior. Lets look at a few of those passages where homosexuality is not only not mentioned, but affirmed!

Lets start with Sodom and that other place. As the story goes, two angels visited Lot in Sodom. Lot invites the angels to his home but they reply, "Nay; but we will abide in the street all night." In this context, this Hebrew phrase obviously referred to the angels intention to check out the night life in Sodom. Lot thinks this is a bad idea. Could it have been that the night life in the town was so boring that Lot was embarrassed to have such distinguished guests experience it? Let's explore this idea further.

Lot prevails upon his guests and they go to his home for the night. Shortly thereafter, they are disturbed by the town folk demanding that Lot bring his guests out so they might "know" them. The Hebrew word translated here can mean to have sex with someone, but it can also refer more intellectual pursuits. This meaning would fit better with the obvious lack of night life in this dead little burg. They probably wanted to bore their angelic visitors with discussions of philosophy or theology.

As if to drive home how boring the town was, Lot offers the crowd his two daughters to do with as they please. Though this seems cruel, Lot had no fear for his daughters. The prudish townsmen turn down his offer, but they don't simply take up their chess boards and go home. These louts are so socially maladroit that they try to invite themselves in. The angels, perhaps fearing an all night chess tournament or trivial pursuit game, smite them with blindness. As Lot flees the city, fire and brimstone are rained upon it, producing the only "hot" night in the city's history. Perhaps if Sodom and Gomorrah had one decent female impersonator between the two of them, they would have been spared.

Moving from narrative to law we find an oft quoted verse. Leviticus 18:22 says, "Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it [is] abomination." The word "abomination" gives us a hint to the meaning of the verse. Pagan idol worship is often referred to as an "abomination." The word then must infer some sort of pagan ritual. Anything called an "abomination" is wrong by virtue of it's connection to a pagan ritual of some sort. It is ritual homosexual prostitution in pagan temples which the verse condemns, not homosexuality in a committed relationship. All of chapter 18 deals exclusively with sexual sins, and since this verse is in the middle of this context it is likely that all of the sins mentioned in chapter 18 are of the same type, i.e. ritual sins associated with worship of a pagan god. Among these are ritual bestiality, ritual adultery with your neighbor, and ritual uncovering of your mother's nakedness.

In fact, Biblical scholarship owes a debt of gratitude to recent pro gay biblical scholarship which discovered this particular interpretive device while attempting to justify homosexual behavior from a biblical perspective. This is because it has opened up a host of things that we now know were done in pagan temples only because they were called an "abomination." Deuteronomy 22:5 says, "The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so [are] abomination unto the LORD thy God." This prohibits only ritual cross dressing. Non-ritual cross dressing is OK. In 24:4, ritual divorce, marriage to some one else, divorce again, then remarrying the original guy, is prohibited only if all of this is done in a pagan temple. Proverbs 15:26 prohibits wicked people from thinking while in a pagan temple and in 20:10 inaccurate scales are frowned upon only if they are used in a pagan temple. The list of ritual behaviors that were a part of pagan worship goes on and on, and most of them are only known to be a part of ritual pagan ceremonies because of their association with the word "abomination."

The question of whether Old Testament law is even binding for Christians also has to be asked. We no longer obey certain ritualistic laws, like don't eat pork or kindle a fire on Saturday and no alfredo sauce with your veal. We are no longer under the law, but under the gospel. The Old Testament doesn't condemn homosexuality anywhere, and passages like Leviticus 18:22 or 20:13 or Deuteronomy 23:17 or Genesis 19, all of which do not condemn homosexuality, may be ignored with impunity.

This, of course, brings us to Mathew 5:17-18 which seems to say, "Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfill. For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one title shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled."

First of all, Matthew was a Jew, and it is commonly thought that his audience was Jewish. This brings the whole book under suspicion of being no more than Mosaic propaganda! But, lets dig a little deeper into the passage. The whole thing can change meaning depending on how you define fulfill." It means "complete" and as everyone knows, Christ completed God's work on the cross, rendering the Law unnecessary. Since it is unnecessary, it need not be obeyed. So that what is really meant by fulfill" is to do away with or destroy.

As if to reinforce this teaching, Jesus goes on to state the only parts of the Law that we must adhere to are the "jots" and titles." And I've never heard of a homosexual advocating the elimination of either of them.

We know that Jesus himself felt no animosity towards gay people. If he had, surely he would have said so, and yet he is completely silent on the subject. He also allowed treason, bestiality, gluttony, rape, child pornography, and smoking crack, because he didn't say not to do those things either.

This leaves only Jewish rabbinical homophobe Paul, as the only possible source of anti-gay teaching in the whole Bible. Even if we don't disqualify Paul as a homophobe, there is still room for variant interpretations of his seemingly anti-gay polemic.

In his first letter to the Corinthians in 6:9 he says, " Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind," etc. etc. While it is clear that heterosexual fornicators are condemmed, the meaning of the phrase, "abusers of themselves with mankind," is open to many variant interpretations. The Greek word translated here has two parts. Arrhen means man, and koite means to lie down with or have sex with. It seems to infer that men having sex with men is prohibited, but a closer look at the Greek reveals a different story.
Once upon a time, "arr" was a nautical term used almost exclusively by pirates, which drew attention to the words that followed; as in the greeting, "Arr matey." This was compounded with a term for female domesticated fowl, and might more accurately be translated "henway" which literally meant about three pounds.

Though "koite" is a word that is normally refers to a prone position and was commonly used as a euphemism for intercourse just as "sleeping with" is a modern euphemism for intercourse, in this case, a closer look at the word "euphemism" reveals that the verse referred to international economics. The root word, "phone" when used as a verb, means to communicate over a distance, via use of the noun form of the word. As everyone knows "eu" stands for "European Union." Though it is unclear what "koite" means when is used in conjunction with an attempt to get the whole European Union on the phone for a conference call about 3 pounds sterling, it clearly has nothing to do with ones sexual preference.

Furthermore, it illustrates Paul's basic mental instabilities caused by his blatant homophobia. It is no wonder that much of what Paul wrote has to be thrown out as cultural bias.

These are just a few of the variant interpretations that are available. The actual numbers are Legion. To believe that any Biblical passage condemns homosexual behavior is both arrogant and reckless in light of so many other interpretations that are perfectly reasonable, scholarly, and just as valid. The only real reason we are left with to say the Bible condemns homosexuality is the homophobia of our fellow Christians.

So there you have it. Beleive what you will, but do we really need to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars, and hours and hours of labor, working to ban something that isn't even spelled out completely as a sin (See Love won out) or should we put those efforts behind ending poverty in our world?
You can decided.
ME

Read and pray with me......

2005-06-24T09:31:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine, ( I have never met her, and may never, but I would still call her friend. We have shared blogs and emails, and we share faith. We have a conversational relationship, and I call her friend) Sharol (SBCAMBELL.BLOGSPOT.COM) just posted this. I would like to share it with you aswell.

" Does Jesus Care About Dogs?
If your answer is yes, than please read.

My best friend's dog is dieing. He keeps eating rocks. He just overcame major surgery two weeks ago, and now he has eaten another rock. Only this time he is not expected to live. My friend is crushed. If this dog dies, a peice of her will die.

She has asked for prayer. My prayer is good, but than I thought, what would happen if a I could get a huge amount of people to pray? Would it change anything? Would you pray?

I ask for three things.

Pray that the dog lives.

Pray that God be the woman's strength and that he provide financial help for the vet bill.

Pray that if God chooses to save the dog, he protects the dog from his suicidal behavior. (If your faith can take you that far.)

You don't need to know the woman's name or the name of the dog. God will know.
Just say "God, ya know that blog I read tonight about the dog..."

And remember this:

Proverbs 12:10a

"A righteous man cares for the needs of his animal.

So God must care."

I believe God cares for all his creations, animal and human alike. So I will be praying with Sharol, and I hope you will, also.
ME

Thoughts on sex and passion.....and church life?

2005-06-22T14:14:00.000-07:00

The sexual crisis in America is turning into an epidemic, with the internet only helping to spread the virus. Old methods of addressing such problems may not be up to the task of securing our integrity in this new paradigm. Almost every teenager is having pre-marital sex (i had a friend comment recently that he wished he was having
post-marital sex). Pornography and loosening TV standards are paving a way to a world where every child will have seen full penetration sex in elementary school; where the intimacy of love-making has been reduced to a recreational sport; where the gift of God has been cheapened and largely diminished. What He intended for good, as usual we are well on our way to screwing up big time.

The result is a loss of passion. A loss of intimacy. A loss of intensity.
So much lack of intensity these days. Look at other areas of your life as well; where is the passion?

Some of you are married (christians). Where is the passion?
Quit greeting each other with your housecoat and slippers on (sunday best/fake greetings) and hairy armpits and body odor. Where’s the passion? Did you get married (become a christian) so it would end up this boring? Where’s the romance? Where’s the passion? You going to settle for boring? Is that why you got married?

Teenagers. Nothing sucks worse than boring, uncommitted teens. So you’re bored. So this town sucks… guess what? It’s your fault. Quit whining! Stand up and make something of your life. Take a stand at school. Believe in something. Go on a missions trip. Get a life. Volunteer. Make a difference. Quit living just to make yourself happy. Be alive.

Single adults. So you have a job and a car. How’s that working out for you? You happy yet? Maybe you’ll be happy when you get a better car or make money… but I doubt it.
What are you giving your life for? Yourself? Instant pleasure? More trips surfing or playing around or just being selfish? How are you changing your world? How’s that working out for you?

Older adults. Made enough money yet? Done enough yet? Acquired enough stuff to load down your hearse yet? How’s that working out for you. How are you investing the rest of your days?

What kind of a world (church?) would you create for yourself and those around you, if you actually took the time to think about what you were doing? Would you really want to spend the next 30 years at the same lame-ass job that wasn't making a difference? Would you really settle for security? In a watered-down world of cream of wheat dreams and instant gratification, where is the danger? Where is the PASSION? What are you living for?
ME

RE-learning to fly.....

2005-06-22T12:08:00.000-07:00

"While walking through the forest one day, a man found a young eagle who had fallen out of his nest. He took it home and put it in his barnyard where it soon learned to eat and behave like the chickens. One day a naturalist passed by the farm and asked why it was that the king of all birds should be confined to live in the barnyard with the chickens. The farmer replied that since he had given it chicken feed and trained it to be a chicken, it had never learned to fly. Since it now behaved as the chickens, it was no longer an eagle.
"Still it has the heart of an eagle," replied the naturalist, "and can surely be taught to fly." He lifted the eagle toward the sky and said, "You belong to the sky and not to the earth. Stretch forth your wings and fly." The eagle, however, was confused. He did not know who he was, and seeing the chickens eating their food, he jumped down to be with them again. The naturalist took the bird to the roof of the house and urged him again, saying, "You are an eagle. Stretch forth your wings and fly." But the eagle was afraid of his unknown self and world and jumped down once more for the chicken food. Finally the naturalist took the eagle out of the barnyard to a high mountain. There he held the king of the birds high above him and encouraged him again, saying, "You are an eagle. You belong to the sky. Stretch forth your wings and fly." The eagle looked around, back towards the barnyard and up to the sky. Then the naturalist lifted him straight towards the sun and it happened that the eagle began to tremble. Slowly he stretched his wings, and with a triumphant cry, soared away into the heavens."

For many people life is a lot like that story, only they never stretch out their wings and attempt to fly.
They spend their lives living the life of chickens when they could be living the life of an eagle.
Incase anyone was wondering, this is a metaphor for alot of Christians. Myself included. Its time to soar.....
ME

Was that Jesus?

2005-06-20T06:27:00.000-07:00

I just came across this and it seemed to fit nicely in what I've been pondering......
Its a story from Tony Campolo.........

Tony Campolo tells of a time he was on on a landing strip just outside the border of the Dominican Republic in northern Haiti. Haiti is one of the poorest nations in the world. As Tony waited for his plane to arrive a woman came toward him holding a child in her arms. The baby's arms and legs were stick thin, his stomach was swollen from malnutrition.

The woman held her child out and cried, "Take my baby! Take my baby! Please, mister, take my baby. If you don't take my baby, my baby's going to die. Take my baby. Please, take my baby!"

Tony tried to explain he couldn't take the baby, tried to look away, but the mother kept appearing in his face "Make my baby your baby. Feed my baby. Take my baby to a hospital. Save my baby. Please! Please! Please!"

Tony's plane finally arrived. A small plane, he ran across to board it. And the mother followed. "Take my baby! Take my baby! Take my baby!"

Tony climbed on board the plane, desperate to get away, but the woman wouldn't let him go that easily. She ran to the side of the plane and banged on the door. "Take my baby, take my baby." Til finally the plane pulled away and took off into the sky.

Halfway back to Haiti's capital Tony was shamed by the words of Christ as recorded in Matthew 25:42-43, "I was hungry, and you gave me nothing to eat. I was thirsty, and you gave me nothing to drink. I was a stranger, and you didn't take me in; naked, and you did not clothe me; sick, and in prison, and you did not visit me".

That was Jesus he left behind?
ME

Musings on faith.....

2005-06-19T20:55:00.000-07:00

The relationship starts here.....

As I continue on my life journey, I continually see, hear or read things that are thought provoking. One of these things recently has been a book my wife got for me from the library: Out of the question...Into the mystery, by Leonard Sweet.

I will tell you first that I have stopped reading the jackets of novels, and just read whatever my wife hands me. This one was a huge hanging curve. (That's baseball speak for WTF!)
As I opened it it began with something called 'Acknowledgements', which I usually pass right by. But as I was turning the pages looking for the first chapter, I noticed something at the end of the Acks. It was a short poem by Isaac Watts.

"not all the blood of beasts
on jewish alters slain,
could give the guilty conscience peace,
or wash away the stain.

But Christ, the heavenly lamb,
Takes all our sins away;
A sacrifice of nobler name
And rich blood than they.

Believing, we rejoice
To see the curse removed;
We bless the lamb with cheerful voice,
And sing his bleeding love."

This is going to be an interesting read.
First chapter;

"where did we miss the person, and get the point instead?"

I'm just going to throw out a few of the more thought provoking quotes that I've read (so far, I'm not even ½ way thru!)

Speaking about 'faith': "Evangelists still preach faith, and pastors still continue to urge parishioners struggling with life's setbacks to 'have faith'. But in the daily life of faith we have lost sight of faith. Or more accurately, we've developed more of a faith 'perspective'."

"The difference between an object-based church and a relation-based church is the difference between a church that sells itself verses a church that brings people into a living, lifelong relationship with Christ AND one another. A relation-based church is less a place where creeds are dispensed and adherents are conscripted than a place where people can connect with God and with one another, and where their faith journeys can be encouraged and enabled."

I like this one a lot (sorry Eric).....

"With Christians now largely indistinguishable from non-Christians in how (we) live and think, there is no longer a startling freshness to the proclamation of biblical truth when it is presented as 'principals and propositions'. How a person lives speaks much more loudly than what he or she asserts, now as always."

And finally (for now).....
"Most Christians use the words 'belief' and 'faith' interchangeably. But to admit (believe) falls far short of to commit (faith)....Admitting is useless with out committing!"

Another thing that has caused my brain some strain was something someone (another Christian) said when they saw the sticker on my laptop ("Jesus is a Liberal") ..... "You must be one of the Progressive Christians."
Was that supposed to be a shot? Is that a bad thing, to be progressive? Here is what I found........
TCPC was the first (and only thing so far) that I found. Here is the gist.....

"By calling ourselves progressive, we mean that we are Christians who"
1. Have found an approach to God through the life and teachings of Jesus;
2. Recognize the faithfulness of other people who have other names for the way to God's realm, and acknowledge that their ways are true for them, as our ways are true for us;
3. Understand the sharing of bread and wine in Jesus' name to be a representation of an ancient vision of God's feast for all peoples;
4. Invite all people to participate in our community and worship life without insisting that they become like us in order to be acceptable (including but not limited to):
believers and agnostics,
conventional Christians and questioning skeptics,
women and men,
those of all sexual orientations and gender identities,
those of all races and cultures,
those of all classes and abilities,
those who hope for a better world and those who have lost hope;
5. Know that the way we behave toward one another and toward other people is the fullest expression of what we believe;
6. Find more grace in the search for understanding than we do in dogmatic certainty - more value in questioning than in absolutes;
7. Form ourselves into communities dedicated to equipping one another for the work we feel called to do: striving for peace and justice among all people, protecting and restoring the integrity of all God's creation, and bringing hope to those Jesus called the least of his sisters and brothers; and
8. Recognize that being followers of Jesus is costly, and entails selfless love, conscientious resistance to evil, and renunciation of privilege.

I love this (accept #2, I have issues with that one). I guess he was complementing me!
Maybe I should change my sticker to "Jesus is a Progressive".
ME

Fathers day

2005-06-19T16:18:00.000-07:00

Well Happy Fathers day to all you other fathers out there. Growing up, I never gave much thought to fathers day, other than to buy a last minute card and some goofy something-or-other, for my dad. My dad was a blue collared guy so we never gave him ties. (I think I can count on 1 hand the number of times he has worn a tie) Usually in was a small hand tool; screw driver, pocket knife, new tape measure. He always said thank you, and always tried to use whatever we gave him for at least a few weeks, or until us kids forgot about it.
Now, I’m going on my 7th (and 5th) year as a dad, and every year it gets a little more special, little more meaningful. I hope it still feels that way for my dad.
This morning at church, a friend of mine spoke a little about what being a father means to him. He is also a dad of young kids (3,5,6?) so I could relate to what he was saying. What he said really was poignant. He was talking about how he felt his kids were “just on loan to him” from God. He was there to bring them up, raise them, love them, and guide them. And that being a father to him was a form of worship and honoring of our Heavenly father. Wow.
Now I love my kiddos, but some times they can catch me at a bad moment, and I will lash out. And some times I will spoil them till they stink to high heaven. But for the most part, I (along with my best friend and wife) will do the best I can to bring them up in a way that will be honoring to God.

My sister is a big steaming pile of crap! She is lazy, selfish, a terrible mother, and just plain crazy some times. But my Dad still loves her. I hadn’t really thought about it much until hearing (albeit, a lousy interpretation) sermon about the ‘Prodigal Son’. The gist was that even though the Son was a dope, wasted all his inheritance, the father took him back with open arms. Of course, Jesus used this is a metaphor for Gods grace, but we as Christians, often mirror the other(good) brother. The one who was responsible, stayed home and worked hard. How dare dad let that idiot come back home, and give him more of what he threw away. I think my Dad is like the father in the story, to a flaw. While I’m glad that God will always accept us back, she’s never going to learn! But maybe I will. What if she never learns because no one ever tells her what’s going?
I still hate my sister,LOL, but I love my dad for his grace. I hope if either of my lovelies ever turns out crazy, I will show them the same grace my dad continues to show my sister.
Happy fathers day, to all the dads, and the step dads, the stand in dads, and even the single moms filling in for dads. May you all show the same grace to your children, that God the Father Shows you, every day!
ME

The results are in.....

2005-06-17T18:22:00.000-07:00

Im going to hell. here's why.....

You scored as Emergent/Postmodern. You are Emergent/Postmodern in your theology. You feel alienated from older forms of church, you don't think they connect to modern culture very well. No one knows the whole truth about God, and we have much to learn from each other, and so learning takes place in dialogue. Evangelism should take place in relationships rather than through crusades and altar-calls. People are interested in spirituality and want to ask questions, so the church should help them to do this.

Emergent/Postmodern

79%

Charismatic/Pentecostal

61%

Neo orthodox

57%

Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan

54%

Roman Catholic

46%

Classical Liberal

43%

Modern Liberal

36%

Fundamentalist

32%

Reformed Evangelical

29%

What's your theological worldview?
created with QuizFarm.com

"Have you ever.....?"

2005-06-16T22:36:00.000-07:00

Snuck out of the house........ When I was a kid or lately? Yes, both. Bet Im in trouble now.
Gotten lost in your city.........It has one stop light! Some times I think Ive lost my mind.
Seen a shooting star.......... This one time in California, I was at this bar with Robert Blake……
Been to any other countries besides Canada.......Canada is another country? Holy crap, I just thought they were weird.
Had a serious surgery........ I’ve had to pull my head outta my ass a few times, by I didn’t need a surgeon for it!
Gone out in public in your pajamas....... I used to go every where in my PJs when I was in college.
Kissed a stranger.......... Heck yeah! I’ve kissed some real strange ones (do my children count? They are real strange.)
Hugged a stranger......... Everyone needs a hug some times!
Been in a fist fight......... What, you wanna peice of me?
Been arrested.......... Not yet....
Laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose...... No, but in Jr High, my friend Phil, made this HUGE milk bubble come out his nose.
Pushed all the buttons on an elevator........ Every time (if my girls don’t beat me to it)
Swore at your parents......... I swore at my mom once when I was 17, and my dad slap the crap outta me. Now we can’t get my mom to QUIT swearing.
Been in love........For the last 11 years!
Been close to love….. She’s right over on the couch now…..?
Been to a casino......... Which one? I’ve donated to quite a few. Doing my part to return what was taken from the Native Americans.
Been skydiving..........Not yet. Im a big pussy, so probably never.
Skinny dipped........... No, well, yes, I guess. Does naked in a hot tub with my wife while on vacation count?
Skipped school...........What’s school? Oh, THAT’S where everyone was when I would wake up!
Seen a therapist........ I saw Freud at my favorite coffee shop just the other day. (Non-Action figures)
Done the splits...........Yeah, right!
Played spin the bottle........... I wanted to sooooo bad, but it always got broken up before it got to me. Played truth or dare once, but while everyone was daring to make out with everyone else, I was mostly passed out!
Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour..........MMMMMOOOOOOO!, Yes, but Im not proud.
Bitten someone.......... Yeah, but she smelled REALLY yummy!
Been to Niagara Falls.... Yep. Been there done that, both sides. Canada was much better.
Gotten the chicken pox.......Hasn’t every one?
Kissed a member of the same sex....... My dad!
Crashed into a friend's car........ Don’t think so.
Been to Japan......... (Sorry Steve, but yours was a classic answer!) No, but I have a lotta stuff from there!
Ridden in a taxi............ Yeah, smelled like ass.
Been dumped........... I have a trailer that I need to load up and take there this week end…..the dump, right?
Shoplifted............ If a tree falls in the forest and nobody saw you do it……
Been fired.............Nope, but I quit a lot of jobs.
Had a crush on someone of the same sex......... Nahh, guys are just too hairy!
Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back........... How about if I touched them while they were sleeping, and they didn’t feel it? What! I drew a mustache on a buddy while he was pasted out. You’re just gross, how could you think that?
Gone on a blind date............. No
Lied to a friend............ No, cause the “Truth will make you……”
Had a crush on a teacher............ Yes! Miss Turner, my second grade teacher. She was from Ireland, and had an amazing accent.
Slept with a co-worker............ I work in construction, so GAUD NO!
Been married........... Yeah, but don’t tell my wife!
Had children.............Had one for lunch, tasty……okay, yeah I have 2 girls.
Seen someone die............I was at this club, open mike, and this one guy totally was dying. When I was in 9th grade I saw my friend Gabe get hit by a car while crossing the hi-way to catch a ride with our carpool. I sang “Friends” by Michael W Smith at his memorial.
Had a close friend die.....See above.
Been to Africa............No, I sun burn really bad.
Driven over 400 miles in one day..........Several times. Seattle to Oregon.
Been to US............Is that in Canada?
Been to Mexico.......... I had Taco Bell for lunch the other day.
Been to India............Every time I call Dell Customer support! “Tank you bedy, bedy much!”
Been on a plane............ Yes, I love the food!
Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.......... Hold on…….”LETS DO THE TIME WARP, AGAIN!”
Thrown up in a bar.......... Guy walks into a bar….. he should’ a ducked!” No.
Purposely set a part of myself on fire........ This one time, while I was playing poker online, I was totally on fire!
Eaten sushi.......... Gimme Fish ‘n Chips anytime! (Cook it, or leave it in the pond!
Been skiing/snowboarding............. took the whole Fam. Skiing on our last vacation. Every one loved it!
Met someone in person from the internet......... Nah.
Lost a child............. Not yet, but not for lack of trying!
Gone to college/university......... I went, I saw, I drank some beer!
Graduated college/university.......... I went I saw……I went home early (and broke)
Fired a gun................. My grand fathers den wall looked like the zoo morgue. Of course.
Purposely hurt yourself...........I am married and have children… I can only take so much!
Taken painkillers.....MMMM, gimme a ‘V’… gimme a ‘I’…. gimme a ‘C’…..gimme …. Uh…. Some more please!
Been intimate with someone of the same gender..........That question is so gay…..Not that there’s anything wrong with that

So now, thanks to Steve’s Nude Blog, who gives thanks to /stacy, for letting me steal this. (Like they had a say in it). Now you have some more interesting (albeit shallow) insight into who the hell I am.
ME

Who says "Men don't listen"

2005-06-15T07:24:00.000-07:00

i borrowed this fron van's word spill (finally got some sleep).
Enjoy.............

Men Don't Listen

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife turning back and forth, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off, he asked what she would like to have for her Birthday. “I'd like to be six again”, she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, poured her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was. Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, and a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's.

What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well Dear, what was it like being six again?" Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. "I meant my dress size, you dumb a**!"

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is going to get it wrong.

Someone shoot me, please.

2005-06-14T04:46:00.000-07:00

My daughter woke up from a bad dream around 3AM this morning, and I've been up since! Ironic because I was having a rather good dream.
So rather than try for more sleep, I've been eating crap (of which there is very little of in our house) and blogging. How big of a looser am I? (Please don't answer that).
As I am surfing and reading different blogs, it never ceases to amaze me how people will just go on and on about nothing. Are their lives really that boring? I mean......... Oh shoot, now Im doing it.
How about you just look at this.....and I'll (yawn) try and go back to bed for 15mins..............Enjoy!

More thoughts on priorities......

2005-06-14T03:41:00.000-07:00

I received this bit of wisdom via the infamous "Fw:Fw:Fw:Re:" email. You know the ones. Now normally, I delete everything my monster-in-law sends me (who else did you think would keep forwarding something). But this one accidentally found audience with my ocular sensors. And behold it was appropriate! ( and even relevant to my bloggish thoughts, which I found just slightly disconcerting, seeing that she doesn't read.......My blog, I mean!)
Anyway, I'm sure if you have someone in your life who just can't say "NO" to the dreaded forwarded email, you have probably seen the following..... if not, enjoy some 'Wisdom from the web'.

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee!

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.

The golf balls are the important things - Children, family, faith, health, friends, and favorite passions -- things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else -- the small stuff. "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls."

The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you."

"So... pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness."

"Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner.. Play another game. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first -- the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room
for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.

Secrets revealed!

2005-06-13T20:22:00.000-07:00

So I was reading Steves Nude blog the other day, and it reminded me of something that happened last week. My daughter, who is six, screamed for me to come to help her in the bathroom. Now she is not exactly one for modesty, but she usually has no trouble in the bathroom. In fact, for a while (2-5 YOA) she would pee everywhere we took her. And the really good places (Walmart, Target, Sears...) she would poop there. Needless to say, not potty problems. Until the other day when she let out the blood curdling, heart stopping, damn-glad-wifes-a-nurse scream.A hundred things go through my mind, none to good.

"Tessa, what's wrong?"
"Its gone!"
"Whats gone?"
"My poop!"
........"Um, yeah, its supposed to go down. Its has now for years."
"BUT I didn't flush yet......it just dissapeared!"

Sure enough, one of the puzzles that has baffled man since the invention of the toilet. The Amazing dissapearing turd!
"Did you really go poop?"
"Dad! Yes, I did!"
"Maybe it crawled out"

So much fun. I really had her going for awhile.
"You've lost your back pack before, and you hair brush, and you often have a herd time looking for your panties or shoes. But now you've lost your poop!"
"Dad!"
Well, I had to tell her something, or she may still be looking for it.

"Ihate that guy!"

2005-06-13T08:35:00.000-07:00

You know that guy that doesn't care who he cuts off, cause he's too busy talking on his cell phone to even know? Don't you hate that guy?
What about this...............

Yeah, thats me blogging this morning.....on the freeway.....doing 60!
I love technologie!

identity crisis!

2005-06-12T22:05:00.000-07:00

earlier, i wrote about finding jesus in strange different/places. but like i'm
fond of telling my daughter "If you hadn't lost it, you wouldn't need to find it
again."
i had a chance to meet face to face with the host of a blog i've just recently
been commenting on. it's been an interesting conversation over the last few
weeks. a lot of the conversation has been the interaction between other commenters and my self, but
after having the chance to meet with jesse, and hearing alittle
bit about his past identity crisis, made me realize that i too have an identity
crisis story to tell. so thanks jesse for the invitation, and here is a little
bit of insight into the man (or hand?) behind the sock.........

i hate to admit it sometimes, but i spent the first 9 years of my academic life
in a "christian school". have you seen the movie 'saved' w/ Macaulay culkin?
if not, go rent it. if you have, you have a small but sorta accurate glimpse
of what my early childhood was like. for those whom would like to finish
reading this before they rush right out to blockbuster, here's the synopsis.
its about some 'super-ultra-christian' kids that go to a 'S-U-C' (i couldn't
resist) school. but mixed in to the story you have these few kids that are
only there for the education (one is jewish, and fakes a 'conversion' during an
assembly, another has just decided he is gay, and is shipped out for
counseling' by his parents). now there were no gays or jews in my school, but
the same theme would have applied. as it was, every friday we would have our own
assembly, where at the end, they would ask if anyone wanted to go to the back of
the gym to 'pray the prayer'. and most fridays, i would opt out of singing the
myriad of stupid christian kid songs (most of which had stupid hand motions) and
go to the back to pray. i must have been saved 240 times! i must be really saved,
right?
well, about 8th grade, actually immediately following 8th grade, i was asked not
to come back. you see the principal and i were on a first name basis. and i had
seen here 'paddle' (yeah, corporal punishment rocked) so many times, that
eventualy she had to bring in her husband to beat me, and then, when my ass was
too numb, i was forced to copy bible verses! theres a good use for the word of
god, punishment!
meanwhile, my parents (bless them) were dragging me and my bro and sis, to every
christian denomination church they heard about. so needless to say, gods playing
a pretty steady role in my life.
fastforward about 13-14 years (don't worry, not much of anything happened here,
well except i rebelled a lot, went to college for a year, met and married my best
friend, love you shannon, and had 2 little girls). now a grown, responsible adult (no, really!) i've returned to the church (i was on a sabbatical, jesus allows for those).it seemed like a good place. i thought my family had found a place where god was at work. unfortunately, or not, all was not bliss. besides being complimentarian (women are second class, among other things) they were really heavy into 'growing' the men of the church, spiritually. Only it was the
gospel according to 'pastor randy' the little know 4th member of the trinity.
looking back, i really believe i needed to go thru all of it to be where i am
now (still struggling w/ more questions than answers). i came to realize a lot
about my self, and the relationship i had been missing with god.
so i had myself a reformation! ok, i just re-committed myself. for some, this is
where the crisis ends. sorry, im just gettin warmed up.
i'll try and make it short. families moves from our very healthy 'looking'
church, to a very much unhealthy, but looking to heal, church. why, well it was
the holy spirit's doing, not mine! i'm sure he has a good reason!
thru some very hard conversations with my wife, i discovered i have AADD (adult
attention deficit disorder).believe me, it explained a lot! you see, for the
majority of my life, i've been a sort of chamillion, a people pleaser. i would go
out of my way to make others happy, even at the expense of my self and my
family.
i am now medicated for yours and my protection!
so (hopefully) ends my crisis. with the help of gods guidance and voice, the
love of my wife and friends, and some tiny white pills, taken twice daily, i
think i'm starting to get a clearer picture of who i'm meant to be.
hence the rest of this blog!
i'm a husband, a father, a son, a believer (trying to reclaim the name
'christian' from those who have tarnished it) and a human trying to live out the
'greater commission', "love thy neighbor",(the 'great commission' being to go
out into the world and make disciples.) I try to love the sinner, not the sin.
what does god have planned for me? i'll just keep asking him (at the coffee
shop) and listening for him (in the shower).
Me

Somethin' new

2005-06-11T21:46:00.000-07:00

so i need to get further away from the political posts. i'm starting to sound like an old man!
so i've been on my meds (ritalin) for almost 2 months now, and i was worried my creativity would subside. but i've been able to write a few things (songs/ poems) and my wife thought the one i showed her sounded pretty good. so here is my latest poem. its a little darker than usual, but it was how i was feeling at the time.
if you like it, maybe i'll put up some more.

"Darkness" by Me

when the light has faded,
and the darkness
covers me
like a thick wool blanket
Am I alone?

I can not see you
or hear you
or smell you
but
you are here

you fill my thoughts
you are here
you caress my soul
you are here

there is warmth
on my skin
Why do I feel so alone?

In the silences
you return, questioning
your intensions are pure
still, I push you out
of my mind and my thoughts
but you remain

I long for love
and you long to give it
so why won't I accept?

TOO PROUD!
I can do this on my own
TOO Hurt!
I can mend this my self
Too ashamed.
you still care

Will it ever stop?
this carousel of life,
broken

I am a man
fixer, healer, provider
in need of the same

this space is dark
more still as I retreat
Don't bring the light!
I am not clean

WARMTH
hot tears on cold skin
I am made clean

again
the darkness will find me
you are STILL here?

I AM NOT ALONE!

Priorities: "Always pillage BEFORE you burn!"

2005-06-10T12:08:00.000-07:00

So I got a frustrated email from a good friend of mine today. he was feeling frustrated because of......we'll call it a 'lack of enough time'. So I asked him what his priorities were. And by the end of our discussion, i was beginning to wonder what MY priorities were.
here are the categories i came up with:
-god/ faith
-family/ wife
-friends/others
-work
-self

so there they are, in no particular order, really. ah, but subconsciously perhaps there is an order there. does god always need to be first? what i told my friend was, maybe not. i believe jesus understands that in order for me to be an effective disciple, i can't be distracted. so maybe family comes first. but, like my friend has pointed out (through futile attempts, sorry dude) some times self needs to be in front in order for the family relationship to work properly. if i don't have respect/ insight/ time for self, how can i have it for any other priority?
and what about work and others? well, if work comes out last too many times, it will eventually affect all the rest. and if others/ friends come out too many times in the end, then who can you turn to in times of need?
what a cluster!
so perhaps the answer is some kind of rotation. a balanced breakfast if you will (cap'n crunch alone is not a healthy breakfast....or lunch, you need milk, and some fruit, and maybe a doughnut)
so everyday, and maybe several times during the day, the order changes. and maybe the change has more to do with a priority lower on the list, than the one in first.
example:
maybe work becomes the #1 priority of the day because bills are mounting. well, in making that #1, it will help in moving family back up the list. and maybe my faith takes a back seat to family, because im spending to much time working on church stuff and not enough at home. well by correcting the imbalance, im moving faith back to the front.
now i know some will say "faith must always be #1".
so maybe my faith is actually a sub catagory of all other priorities!
so, i must be flexible with the priorities and realize, sometimes, 5th must become 1st in order for 4th to become 2nd. and I guess whoever is in 3rd is just screwed!
Me

Sometimes the truth makes you mad!

2005-06-09T23:16:00.000-07:00

Again from MSN........

"The right's point man (click)
in America's culture war"

Here they are talking about James Dobson leaning to much into the political arena.

“The federal judiciary more and more is making the great moral decisions of our time,” Dobson said during a 75-minute interview with The Associated Press. He ticked off rulings involving abortion, the Pledge of Allegiance and the definition of marriage.

“This Supreme Court has co-opted for itself many of the issues that the American people ought to be making through their elected representatives,” he said. “The decisions that are coming down from the Supreme Court have profound implications for the family and for conservative concepts of morality.”

I can agree that it Jesus gave us the respondsibility of pointing out what Scriptue says is sinful, but to take away a person's freedom of choice, which is not just a American freedom, for now, but something that was give man by God.
Gen.3:16-17
16 And the LORD God commanded the man, "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; 17 but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die."
This is good, this is bad. You can choose.
1 Corinthians 10:23
23"Everything is permissible"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible"—but not everything is constructive."

Even better......
God so loved the world that sent his Son that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have eternal life. And that's it, basically, the whole Gospel. Notice anything about rules in there? No. All He asks is that we believe.
I believe, do you?
Me

Who's right and who's dead?

2005-06-09T12:07:00.000-07:00

I found this interesting little tidbit on MSN.

"In evangelical world, a liberal view steps up
Following Carter’s lead, progressives work to transform movement"
It makes me wounder if there should even be parties. Why can't we all just get along?

Really, what would Jesus do?

I found Jesus at the coffee shop!

2005-06-09T11:57:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we find God in the strangest places. its not always on a mountain top
(in the colorado rockies!) or on some deserted beach, or even in church. some
times he comes to us finds us when we least expect it. in the middle of a
traffic jam when we're late for work, in the shower or the bathroom. or in our
favorite coffee shop. now, i'm not saying he's not in the other places or some
where else, but rather that he often, for me, makes his presence know when i
least expect it. i'm too often distracted in the 'listening' to always hear.
for me, his voice speaks to me in the midst of some struggle (when i seem to
need him the most?).
my favorite coffee shop these days would have to be the spotted cow, in the
mill creek area, and as of late, it is where i go (when Im not in church) to
listen for his voice. but lately, i've been hearing him alot less there, and
more in the unexpected places of my life (such as the ones listed above).
thats not to say i will stop looking for him in the other places, he's still
there, and i will continue to speak to him there, but i accept that i may not
always hear him there. So where do you find god, or rather, where does he find
you?
Me

Things that make you go "What the .....?"

2005-06-05T02:20:00.000-07:00

Its late. Almost 2:30 am. What am I doing up still? Well the couple of Mike's I had, 2 vicodon, and misc. sleepy pills haven't put me down yet. Although I feel really great!
So I decided to practice some songs on my guitar. I'm not all that great....yet. I've only been playing a few months. I some times accompany another guitarist in our church, and a few weeks ago, in order to give that gal a week off, I played lead...ALONE.
Let me put this way...... "Where am I, and what's with this handbasket?"
Hell.... in church of all places! Practice before was good, I only really struggled with one song. But as soon as it was time to play, well there was this fan...and some feces! First, my sweet, darling angel daughters thought it would be nice to help daddy hold the guitar.....and then drop it! Okay, I've got it, its alright. But as I go to strum the first notes of the first song, oh sweet Lord! Kill that dying cow already! Quick, I'll just barrow someone else's guitar. Yeah, there's a great idea. So I stumble thru the first few songs, and make it to the break. As it happens, someone close by knows how to tune a guitar by 'magic'. So I'm back in business, right? Yeah, until my guitar gets hungry and eats 2 of my picks (into the sound hole, never to return).
Well, they have invited me to try it again. That's forgiveness for ya! This time I'll be ready.
So after an hour or so shredding my fingers for the Lord, I surfed around a bit.
That's when I saw it. And I said "What the ......?". Could it be? Somewhere, there is a surgical student, practicing a procedure that will become the next Botox. It will probably have a fancy medical name, but for now I'll call it 'Rectal-cranial appendectomy'. Because for the next 3 1/2 years there will be many cases of Cranial-rectal insertion. Case in point, see here!
I KNOW! "What the ...... were they thinking?"
I'll let you decide!
Good night!
ME

Call me something else!

2005-06-02T09:25:00.000-07:00

I am a member. I don't have a card, or a certificate, or even a (members only) jacket. I'm a member of my Church, an EVANGELICAL Covenant church. I became a member because I wanted to belong, and when my family came, it felt right. I also wanted to be part of the changes that were taking place, so voting was also a factor.
At a local Emergent Workshop (a convention, in the liberal sense, for Christians who love God but hate, ok, dislike mainstream church) I heard several people discussing the "Evangelical issue". I had never given much thought to the word evangelic, but having heard it was an 'Issue' I wanted to know more.
As it turns out the word means:
"of or pertaining to or in keeping with the Christian gospel especially as in the first 4 books of the New Testament 3: marked by ardent or zealous enthusiasm for a cause "
Okay, so what's the issue? Apparently, some people associate the word with the more extreme zealots. Those of the religious right mindset. Um, not so good.
Lets see what else people might be saying......
Taken from The OOze blog, who inturn took from Business Week......
"Evangelicals' eager embrace of corporate-style growth strategies is giving them a tremendous advantage in the battle for religious market share..."
What exactly is Religious market share? I don't remember reading about that in any of the above mentioned 4 Gospels.
I'm not so sure I like being Evangelical. So what about Neo-Evangelics?
Here are some characteristics of what a N.E. might be.........
"toleration toward, questionable views of Scripture" Hmm, tell me more.....
"Enthusiasm over cooperative evangelism, even to the extent of aligning with groups that have been traditionally subversive of Bible truth (e.g., Roman Catholicism)." Are the Catholics so evil?
"Unbiblical views regarding God's role for women" This one I really like read below to see what some "Regular evangelicals might see when they read some scripture. Its funny, but scary!
[A woman cannot teach with authority; e.g., in Sunday School classes, Bible conferences, etc. When a woman stands before a mixed crowd that includes men and opens the Bible and preaches or teaches, she is taking authority.] For Adam was first formed, then Eve. [The woman was created after the man to be his help meet, not his head. Obviously, this is NOT a cultural matter, but is based upon the order of creation; this establishment of the principle of order transcends culture!] And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived [Âquite deceivedÂ (NASBÂGen. 3:13)] was in the transgression. [Therefore, the woman was not spiritually qualified to teach because of (1) the order of creation, and (2) the facts of the Fall.] Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, [i.e., she will be occupying herself with the duties of the home and family (as evidence of her salvation given through the birth of the Messiah), and will receive her fulfillment/purpose in life in that arena] if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety [Âself-restraintÂ (NASB)]. (taken from rapidnet?)
"Based upon a generally weak view of Scripture, there has been a natural shift from objective Biblical doctrine to subjective experience -- allowance for the possible validity of apostolic sign-gifts for our own day (prophecy, tongues, miracles of healing through special persons, etc.)."
"Maintains broad ecumenical fellowship, even to the extent of being involved in the apostate National and World Council of Churches; evangelicals are even urged "to obtain all or part of their training at liberal universities and seminaries" in order to "give evangelism more clout." The conservative is called upon to welcome the neo-orthodox as friends and brethren since "truth is welcomed wherever it is preached." This ecumenism generally involves the elevation of "love" above doctrine." Spoken like a true Fundamentalist! So we should stay clear of those 'dirty' unbelievers?
There's more, but I think ive said enough. Seems like N.E.s are evilWith.with all that love and acceptance crap. HUH?
I read a book (yes I did!) by Donald Miller, called "Searching for God knows what", in whicdescribesctoday'sodays Christian culture as being in a life boat. Only the majority of "Christians" send time trying to pull other Christians out of other lifeboats, rather than helping those still in the water (Unbelievers). *Please bear in mind this is his description, not mine, so no nasty comments from those who are wet. ; ' )
So from what I can see, N.E. are looking to the water, not the other boats......
that'sthats a bad thing.?
Im so confused......not!
ME

Put that on my calender.

2005-06-02T07:05:00.000-07:00

I have a small obsession. Can an obsession be small? Oh well. Any way, I like to comb the internet for bumper stickers (and t-shirts). Silly, but I like it. I currently have 2 on my own car (stickers not shirts): "Christian, not close minded" and "Doing my part to piss off the religious right". I also have one on my lap top: "Jesus IS a Liberal".
Okay, so there's a theme.
So on my way to nowhere yesterday, I saw one that made me think then laugh: "NONjudgement day is coming soon". Im not sure what the owner's intent was, but I think its great. I would love to believe the day is near that people will stop being so judgemental. (Another fun one: "Judgemental people suck!")
So I went looking online for that one but all I found was the following (in no particular order):
"Repent Republican sinner!"
"Friends don't let friends drink Starbucks"
"Annoy a Conservative: Do Justice, Love Mercy, Walk Humbly"
"Always remember: Pillage first, THEN burn!"
"Cleverly Disguised as a Responsible Adult"
"My cult-like following is now accepting applications"
(personal fav)"Heavily medicated for your safety "
"Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?"
(For my wife the nurse)"Is there an imaginary cure for hypochondria?"
And last for now: " Crush Me, Squeeze Me, Make Me Wine"
I also just ordered 3 shirts for some friends:

"This IS my vestment"

"The shirt I find myself in"

And "God reads my blog!- Allenreloaded.typepad.com"
More later.
ME

Everyone else is doin' it.

2005-06-01T20:32:00.000-07:00

So a friend finally dragged me to see the new Star Wars movie. I was glad for the time out with my friend, and I got to drive his new Jeep. (Kinda like trying to steer a toaster oven while wearing oven mitts. What? Oven mitts? Come on, toast gets hot!) Anyway, we were abit late for the first showing, and the next was sold out, so we had to decide on House of Wax (I hear Paris Hilton does die!) or Kingdom of Orlando....or somewthing like that. As it turns out we bought tickets for one of those, and then snuck into the already started showing of SW. From what I gathered, we could have showed up another 20 min. later and I still wouldn't have missed much. Stupid is not nearly strong enough for this film. I found my self cheering for the bad guys, because the good guys were so lame! And if I had to hear "Oh Ani!" one more time, there was going to be blood......from my ears!
Well, it WAS free, so I guess I can't complain to much. At least the series is done. No more crazy SW fans, littering the sidewalk, waiting for the next tickets to go on sale. Maybe next time we'll catch Paris!
ME

Death becomes him....

2005-06-01T20:03:00.000-07:00

File this under shitty day. Or maybe not.
I found out this afternoon, that a friend of mine's dad just died.
Not having had many peole in my life (close people) die, I'm never sure how to react to that kind of thing. My first thought was "Oh that sucks!" followed quickly by "Glad I still have my dad." followed then by "What a schmuck for thinking that!"
Oh well. So I said to myself, self we should give him a call, maybe send a card. Yes, that would be the easy, non messy thing to do. Don't get all caught up in the emotional turmoil. What an ass!
Well, as luck would have it, my route home took me by his place (or perhaps luck had nothing to do with it) and as I crept slowly by, I saw his wife standing out side.
"Shoot, I think she saw me. Now I have to stop, or I'll really look like an ass."
As it turned out, she hadn't saw me, and was glad I stopped. My friend was home and was also glad to see me. Turned out he was doing alright and we had a great chat. We talked about some current events, and he showed me some pictures. I even prayed for him before I left, which is pretty far out of my comfort zone, too.
Driving away, I was glad I had stopped, even if I almost hadn't. Our chat gave me something to think about. What if it had been my dad? Have I said everything I need to, done everything I want to? Has he? I tell ya what, Im gonna find out, before we're out of time.
ME

XXX......

2005-05-30T21:28:00.000-07:00

Well it came and went with relatively no fanfare, which is how I prefer it.
I wasn't sick which is new for me. I think I had a streak of 20+ Bdays being sick.
As it was, I had a very pleasant 30th. I received several nice home made cards from my girlies. And some candy (1# box of hot tamales, my fav!)
And even though my mum and dad forgot it was my birthday (okay, they were a day late) they got me several nice, even thoughtful things.
But I have to say the best present was from my wife.
For several decades, I have just sorta stumbled through life, never really knowing who I was (the real me). It has now been almost two months since my wonderful wife informed me that I may be suffering from Adult ADD. Now, as I have been on some medication and had a few sessions with a therapist, I feel more focused on everything. But I still lacked the feeling of knowing who I really truly am....Until Sunday morning. As I opened my 'Shoebox' wrapped present, and opened the pictures from my sweets, I noticed a note folded in the bottom. As I opened it and began to read what my wife had written, I could not hold back the tears.
It was a list of the top 30 (XXX) reasons she loved me. It is the closest I have (and may ever) come to seeing who I really am.
So happy birthday to me.
Thanks to M&D for the presents ( and the steak, dad).
To my sis for the icecream cake.
to my children for their imaginations.
And most of all, thanks to my beautiful, passionate, loving wife (of almost 10 years) for helping me see my self, and for loving me for who I am!
ME

Jesus loves you.........

2005-05-27T20:19:00.000-07:00

......But I still think you're a jerk!

As I was squweezing through traffic (bumper-to-bumper I might add) some dork infront of me decides it would be a good idea to break check me.....at 5mph! OKAY, what was that about? Onward....until at a dead stop, he decides now would be a good time to put his awesomely tricked out (stock) ford focus, into reverse. Ummm, wrong way?
Oh, your trying to tell me something.......that you were dropped on your head as a child! So onward again.....oh he has decided to change lanes so he can appologize for his mental incapasity.
Jerk:"What's yer F'ing problem?"
Oh he wants to try and communicate, this will be entertaining!
Me: "Umm, well there's this guy who doesn't seem to understand the directional flow of the south bound lanes!"
Oh, he's making a face...its either confussion, or he's really plugged up.
J:"Why you gotta ride my ass?"
Hmmmm....
Me:"I was trying to read your bumper sticker, but you were going too fast."
???????? Now he's really excited. Does he know he doesn't have a sticker, and that he was only going 4.5mph? Let's see....
J (clearly frustrated that I don't want to stoop to his level):"F*&^ U!"
Now that was well put.
Last but not least, he gave me the finger. Oh yeah! Are you old enough to drive. Go back to forth grade!
ME

Time=$ or something like that...

2005-05-27T08:15:00.000-07:00

I heard someone say the other day, that time was the new money. It struck me as a strange thing to say, until I really thought about it. I'm not certain what the actual context of their statement was, but the more I think about it, the more I think it could have several meanings.
My favorite two:
Time has become more important than money, to more and more people. Free time and paid time off are popping up all over the business world as "Benefits". But not enough.
If you Google "TIME SAVERS" you get over 2 million hits! The same search for "Family Time"....Just over 1 million. So finding ways to save our time is pretty high on our list, but our ways of spending that time are still the same. Time saved means more time to pursue the things the 'World' views as important. Advancing careers, making more money so we can keep up with the neighbors. "But its good for the economy, right?" "Saving Time" has become the get rich scheme of today.

My second thought starts with a quote from (the Jesus-freak in me) the Bible.....
OKAY STOP!
DON'T GO RUNNING AWAY SCREAMING "BURN THE CONSERVATIVE BASTARD" JUST YET!
Im not about to preach or judge! Did you happen to miss the pictures at the top, or all the other 'Blasphemous' posts before this one? And it is my blog, damn-it!
Now.....
1 Timothy 6:10
For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many grief's.

I think the Bible has many important messages that can still be applied today, and some that need a bit of "cultural updating". This one, in my humble opinion, is one of the latter. In the passage I just quoted, the author is trying to let us know that the vain pursuit of money can and DOES blur our perceptions of the things that should be important. In this context, it is faith in God. I agree with that, but also think it has the same blurring affect in regards to our friends and family. I have know people in my life who have given up on their families, friends and other desires of their true heart, in the pursuit of "career goals" or high risk ventures. And what has been the majority out come? Usually pain and loneliness.
I believe that is still true, but I also think 'Time' can work the same way.
Stay with me. You may disagree, but hear me out. I have seen people, so obsessed with saving time or looking for more time, that they do the same kinds of things I just wrote about. Rather than take and 'spend' the time they already have, they squander it looking for better ways, faster ways and more 'useful' ways to use the time they have. I believe, and not just from my "Jesus-lovin' faith" but from my "wantin' to be a decent human" ideals, that time just like money could and should be used to help others. Not just those with out, globally & locally, but those with still blurred vision. I am in no way saying that my vision (heart) is completely clear, far from it. But I think that when I realized the flaws in my reasoning, it became clear-er that there was more to life than just trying to extend it for the sake of more vain pursuits. Im not going to say that becoming a Christian will instantly clear your vision and make you holy (although I believe in my heart its a step). I know plenty of "Christians" who are tops in the field of 'Time and Money' management. You have to be willing to look deep in your heart and be willing to let go. You have to be willing to put others first. That can mean your wife and kids to start, and the rest of the world later.

"Be good to each other!"
ME

What will those silly republicans do next?

2005-05-17T18:23:00.000-07:00

On this day, W. was highly agitated when the Democrats nominated Jesus Christ of Nazareth to run against his hand-picked ticket of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jeb Bush. "Jesus!" he said over and over. The group had never seen the President so angry. He walked from behind the big desk and paced the oval office, alternately shaking his fist and wiping the spittle off his chin. All he could say was, "Jesus!" "We can beat him," said Vice-President Dick Cheney. W. stopped and stared. "How?" Cheney, on the love-seat, interlaced his fingers, squeezed his hands together, then unsqueezed and stretched his palms forward-his "come unto me" pose, the staff called it, a nervous habit that betrayed extreme nervousness. "We could say He's soft on terrorism, Mr. President. You know, all that turn-the-other-cheek crap." Uncertain, the President's gaze shifted from Dick to Condoleeza, who squirmed off the sofa. "Sit here, Mr. President," she said. "Let me do your neck." W. settled into the cushions and the Secretary of State went around behind him. As she judo-chopped his shoulders, his voice sounded like a skipping CD. "Why isn't K-a-a-a-rl-l-l-l in-n-n-n-n here?" "He's on a conference call with some committee," Dick said. "Christian Veterans for Truth, I think it is." As Condoleeza kneaded the knots in his shoulders, the President did something he had never done before-he admitted a mistake. "I should have kept my big mouth shut." Scott McLellan, the press secretary, was shocked. "Sir, it wasn't your fault. I made too big a deal out of it." They were talking about the President's comment that the Republicans could beat anybody the Democrats nominated, because Karl Rove had done his research and was ready to "tell the truth" about any of the leading Democrats, all of whom, according to the President, were on the wrong side of the issues. The President had said the Dems would have to nominate Jesus himself to have a chance in this election. "It's not your fault, Scotty," the President moaned. "I'm the one who said it." "It was just a way to show that we thought our ticket was invincible," Condi added. "Which is the first step toward becoming invincible," Dick said. Dick had a saying for everything. The Secretary of Defense spoke up. "I hate to be the one to say I told you so, but I told you so." The President said, "No, you don't. You love it, Rummy. You love to say, 'I told you so.'" "You weren't even here when we thought up the Jesus joke," Dick said. "Not that," said Rummy. "I'm talking about the Constitutional Amendment we worked so hard to pass, changing the requirements for Presidential candidates." "We know what the amendment says, Mr. Secretary," said Condoleeza, briskly rubbing the President's neck with both hands. "Well, if we hadn't changed the thing so Schwarzenegger could run, the other side couldn't have pulled this stunt and nominated Jesus." "Where does He stand on abortion?" asked Dick. "You know, Herod killed all those baby boys trying to get Baby Jesus. I think Karl should authorize a commercial about that. About how He let that happen." "He was just a baby," snapped Condoleeza. "That wasn't abortion, but we could say it was," said W. "Turn the churches against Him." Rove came in, writing on some papers as he walked. The President scooted to the edge of the couch, out of Condi's grasp and she put a hand on one hip and gave Rove some attitude. "Well, it's about time." The big man ignored her. "We've got some good stuff, Mr. President." "On Jesus?" "Yep!" "This I gotta hear," said Rumsfeld. "We better be careful," said Condi. "Whose side are you on?" asked W. "Yours, of course, sir. Yours and Arnie's and Jeb's. But … Jesus? Our truth squad turned up something bad on Jesus? It's just hard to grasp." "Oh, wait'll you see the commercials," said Rove. "None of our religious friends will vote for Him after we saturate all the Southern states, Ohio, and the west with these new spots." Cheney executed the "come unto me" motion. "I knew we could nail him!" Karl Rove winced. "Bad choice of words, Mr. Vice-President." "What's the deal?" asked W. "How do we make Him the issue instead of Arnie and Jeb?" "With a series of commercials designed to make the Democrats sorry they ever heard of Jesus," said Rove. "Show me," the President said cautiously. "All right, everybody. Remember, none of us had anything to do with any of this. No contact with the committees. The President was as surprised as the rest of us when these commercials hit the airwaves day after tomorrow." "We know the drill," said Condi, looking at the President for approval. The President motioned impatiently. "Come on, show me what I didn't see." Rove pointed the remote control at the big plasma screen within the bookcase. "This first one is on taxes." "What did Jesus ever say about taxes?" asked Dick. "You know, render unto Caesar? He also hung out with tax collectors, right? Matthew? Zaccheus? Watch the spot." Thirty seconds later, the whole group applauded. The President said, "You've outdone yourself this time, Karl." "Thank you, sir." "I always had a feeling he was a liberal," said Dick. Although she smiled when the President smiled, Condoleeza's voice seemed strained. "Can we do this to Jesus? Make him seem like a tax and spend liberal?" "Hey, we used His own words, didn't we?" asked Rove. Rumsfeld had laughed at the spot along with the rest of the group, but he, too, was worried. "I don't want to be the spoilsport here, but that spot was more about what Jesus didn't say than what he said." "Of course," Rove said. "It's a proven technique," said W. "He could have spoken out about tax cuts, but he never did. So it follows that He's in favor of higher taxes. It's brilliant. What else, Karl?" Rove pointed the remote control again and the committee's credentials popped onto the screen. "This one's about socialized medicine." "This I gotta see," said the press secretary. "Behold!" said Rove. The ad was a 30-second re-enactment of a few of Jesus' miracles with a sarcastic announcer doing the voice-over. "Jesus believes in Free Health care for everybody. But who will pay the doctors? You and me, our families, that's who. And that will require new taxes. Jesus! How much more can we afford? Paid for by the Christian Veterans for Truth, not affiliated with any political candidate." Rove's florid face beamed with pride as he accepted the praises of everyone in the Oval office. "The next one's my favorite. Family values." "If you nail him on family values, you're a genius," said Dick. Rove said, "Just watch." The spot began with the 14th chapter of Matthew in which Jesus told his followers to despise their families and follow him. It showed men in robes, the disciples, saying goodbye to wives and children and falling in line behind Jesus. "That was awesome," said Condoleeza, speaking first for once. "I've heard sermons that explain all that," W said. "He can finagle his way out of that one." "Doesn't matter," said Rove. "Explanations don't carry near the force of accusations. After this runs for the week, He'll be cast as the anti-family-values candidate and have to spend the rest of the election trying to explain that charge while we're leveling new ones." The President smirked. "Karl, Condi's right. That's an awesome spot." The others applauded. "There's more-you'd never realize how soft on crime he was until you read the Gospels," Rove said. "Did you know he forgave a prostitute and also saved an adulteress from stoning?" "Weak on capital punishment," agreed W. "Wants everyone to have eternal life," said McLellan. "Including criminals," added Dick. "He pardoned the one on the cross, you know." "That's all included," said Rove. W. pursed his lips. "Those poor Democrats won't know what hit 'em." "They outsmarted themselves, nominating Jesus, thinking we'd back off," Dick chortled. "This may destroy their party," said the President. "If they can't win with Jesus, who lived a perfect life but is on the wrong side of all our issues, who can they win with?"

It's about time....

2005-05-14T09:02:00.000-07:00

It was bound to happen sooner or later. It was starting to become a necessity.
When things like this start happening, something must be done!

I had no choice.....I must MOW!

It's been awhile.

2005-05-12T21:05:00.000-07:00

Well, I've been gone for awhile, but now I'm back. (Settle down!)

So, I got this email from the program director at a local "Christian' radio station:

Hi there matt,
Today I received an e-mail from someone who just heard about the Spirit 1053 Promise and he was impressed enough that he wanted to know more. It sure reminds me that I'm taking for granted what most people still don't even know exists (Spirit 1053). I shouldn't be taking it for granted because I've heard from so many people over the years about why they started listening; because it's safe for their kids ... and later they discover the other benefits that we try to exemplify in our ministry. It's a ministry that includes you matt, thank you for making a difference to thousands of people like you.
Feel free to share Spirit 1053's Promise with a friend. Tell them about how much healthier our station is for their families. Forward this e-mail to as many people as you can or even another radio station! We're not trying to be "better than thou." We believe we're a Godly example in a messed up world. Thank you for your love and prayers!
In Jesus,
Scott
The SPIRIT PROMISE:
We Promise that we’ll never offend people with blue-humored or suggestive or demeaning personalities or song lyrics. Spirit 1053 extends that promise to our advertising policy as well. We do all that we reasonably can to make sure you won’t be embarrassed by our commercials. Again last year Spirit 1053 refused well over a half million dollars in advertising revenue from advertisers that we didn’t think you’d appreciate; gambling, alcohol, movies and TV programs that we thought were inappropriate for the kids, your home and work environment. No other commercial radio station in Seattle does that for you, and that’s our Spirit 1053 Promise.

So here is my responce....
Scott,I'm glad you are so enraptured with your 'promise'.I for one, think you over play and over emphasize it.Its good that you run the station the way that you do (filtering out that which might be deemed inappropriate for some)but lately it is starting to sound like Spirit 105.3 is the fourth member of the Trinity!I understand the necessity for promoting ones business, your station still needs to make money. So preaching that S1053 is BETTER than other stations is okay, but sometimes it seems very elitist. That is NOT Christ like! And that is why I will not pass this email on to anyone. Christians today have a bad rep. among non-Christians. They believe us to be judgmental, or above all others because of our faith. At times. your station exemplifies that rep. Choosing to follow Jesus (OK, call it being a Christian if you must) is more about climbing down into the trenches with those still mired in sin....but not to judge them for their sin, that's Christ's job, but rather accept them and love them for who they are. The music your station plays can be a powerful ministry- let it speak for it self. I believe more people (the ones who may need the most 'Encouragement') would listen more if you weren't always shoving the 'Promise' in their faces (ears).Not that you will even read this, but, there I've said it.
A follower of Jesus,

I don't know for sure how I got on their email list, but I hope that they remove me now.

Remember the good-old-days?

2005-05-06T23:11:00.000-07:00

Remember back when getting out of bed on a Saturday morning was exciting? Cartoons and sugary cereal! I don't! Growing up, my dad was a diabetic. So sugar didn't often find its magical way to our house. (Oh, sure, the neighbors to the east would smuggle some of the contraband across our boarders occasionally) So it was 'Shredded' paper and 'Puffed' whatever (good sources of
fiber you know!), smothered with as much
Sugar substitute as we could stand. Meanwhile, as we huddled round the warm glow of our
cartoons, I was bombarded by sweet communist propaganda,
Cereal Commercials! The torture!
Every four minutes, it was the same thing: Sugar Pops, Apple Jacks, Cap'n Crunch, Cookie Krisp. But I think my favorite was Lucky charms. I used to beg for it every shopping trip. On my hands and knees in the cereal isle. Then finally, it happened. My mother, completely embarrassed by the site of me wailing on the floor, gave in! That little, green, midget (sorry, small person) bastard was finally mine!
I couldn't wait to get home and tear it open! All those sugary marshmallow 'things' were now mine. Green clovers, blue diamonds, yellow moons, pink hearts, and then some brown things, whole grain something or other. And the PRIZE! Who could forget that?
Well, I got home, raced to the kitchen, tore open the box, and began stuffing my mouth full of sweet victory. Then I realized how nasty this stuff was. What the....
I had been tricked! There was nothing magical or good about this stuff. The marshmallow things were hard and tasted like sweetened wood chips, and slowly dissolved in my mouth leaving a gritty slime covering my teeth. That Monday, I fell into a deep depression that would last 5 days. It was only on the sixth day that I had an epiphany (well maybe it was just another commercial) it wasn't Lucky Charms that I needed, it was Trix! How could I have been so blind? Lemony yellow, orangey orange, raspberry red........
Now that I'm grown up (well, at least older and larger) and have kids of my own, I can pass along some of my wisdom.......Peanut Butter cap'n Crunch is the BEST!
Oh, sure, there's a box of "grown-up cereal" in the pantry, but it's only for show!
-M

Finally, research worth funding.....

2005-05-05T23:11:00.000-07:00

"New Study Finds 'Fundamentalism' Genetic"

New studies in genetics research have linked certain biological attributes with fundamentalism in humans. A genetic factor is seen as a probable determining link to Christian Fundamentalism. Such behavioral attributes as political conservatism, an inability to dance well and a propensity to eat during most social occasions have been linked to a measurable increase in sphincter tension. The ethical and political implications of this finding are considered by many analysts to be staggering.

Being politically right of center can no longer be seen as a choice for these people. Since fundamentalists are born that way, not only is it impossible for them to change but fundamentalism becomes the only honest and natural course for them.

The Institute for Research in Political Correctness, or IRPC, has concluded that since fundamentalism is both genetically determined and natural that it must necessarily be morally correct and politically acceptable as well. This has caused conflict within some liberal circles who note that fundamentalism is often diametrically opposed to political correctness. It is hoped that ongoing research by ethical relativists will be able to find a solution to this problem. One theorist was quoted as saying,

"We are close to a breakthrough in proving that light is dark, and that research should also help solve the problem of integrating what we know to be politically acceptable with the attitudes and values inherent in fundamentalism."

More fun with Fundamentalists....

2005-05-05T23:10:00.001-07:00

And now the top 14 ways to get a wife, Biblicly, of course!

Biblical Ways to Acquire a Wife

1.Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours.
-- Deuteronmy (Deuteromy 21:11-13)
2.Find a prostitute and marry her.
-- Hosea (Hosea 1:1-3)
3.Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.
-- Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)
4.Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.
-- Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)
5.Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife.
-- Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)
6.Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you a rib.
-- Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)
7.Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of toil for a woman.
-- Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)
8.Cut off 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife.
-- David (I Samuel 18:27)
9.Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone. (It's all relative of course.)
-- Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)
10.Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest.
-- Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)
11.When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a ...woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me."
-- Samson (Judges 14:1-3)
12.Kill any husband and take HIS wife. (Prepare to lose four sons though).
-- David (2 Samuel 11)
13.Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea, it's the law).
-- Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)
14.Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity.
-- Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)
So, what are you waiting for, love?
-M

Is it just me.....

2005-05-05T23:10:00.000-07:00

Is it just me, or does this 'fictional account' sound familiar? Oh, someone's knocking at my door. I'll be right back, read this while you wait......

Vision of Macaroni
A funny thing happened to me on the way to church. As I was driving I entered a fog. (This was unusual because the fog part normally started later, during the sermon.) Suddenly a man appeared in front of me. I felt compelled to stop and talk to him. Light seemed to radiate from him. He was dressed in a flowing white robe. As I got out of the car he spoke to me,

"Hear now the words that I speaketh unto you. I, Macaroni, have appeared unto you like unto one clothed in shinning raiment. Yea, I shinneth brightly like unto about 150 watts. Hear now my words. Behold, I am Macaroni, son of Moron, messenger of the most high. Take now these golden tablets and recordeth what thou seest."

"But I don't have any water." I protested. He increased about 25 watts and said.

"Ye stiff necked and foolish man! Eat them not! Look upon them and read the inscriptions there of."

As I gazed intently the tablets grew and writing appeared on them.

"I can't make anything of this!" I said.

"It is a language thou knowest not." said the shinning one. "For verily it is written in the ancient tongue that is called 'Reformed Pig Latin'. But take now these glasses having one lens of red and the other of blue framed withal in cardboard, for they shall allow you to interpret the marks that thou seest."

When I put on the glasses the words seemed to jump out at me, and this is what I read.

I, Neophyte, having been born of goodly parents, wherefore therefore having learned to write in the learning of pigs and the language of Latin, that being pig Latin, I make this record, which is true, because I said so, and I make it according to mine own knowledge, and it containeth no guano. (And its truth is more true than other true things like the Bible, which being true is not quite as true as my stuff, having been interpreted via the holy 3d glasses mentioned earlier.) But if it is found to contain something anachronistic or contrary to archeology like unto the digestive byproduct of a bull, it will be someone else's mistake and you can't blame me.

In the first year of the reign of Zedekiah, a historical figure, in a real town named Jerusalem, came the word of the Lord to my father, Peehigh, of whom no record other than this can be found. (Unlike characters in the Bible, which being a lesser book requires references of both places and persons from epigraphical archeological artifacts in abundance.) And he did dream a dream and see a vision and thereafter swore off mushrooms in his gravy. And he was told to take his family and flee to a promised land called "the promised land" and there build mighty cities and father nations of which no archeological artifacts can be found except for Mayan and Aztec stuff which has nothing to do with Neophytes, Laminates or Mosquitobites."

And many more things did he reveal unto me besides these writings of Neophyte son of Peehi.. And I was instructed to record other doctrines and covenants with nifty ideas. It was revealed unto me that when one's wife began to grow old that he might ad unto himself a second wife. Even as many as he could convince that this was a goodly idea. And many men were added to the church that day. Also it was revealed that God might change his mind on this one if it ever became an embarrassment to the church.

I began at this point to wonder about how I would convince others that these things were true. Then Macaroni revealed to me the proof that would convince many. Forasmuch as anyone would believe without any evidence these things, and accept as fact that which not only could not be substantiated but was like unto something I made up as I went along, that the proof they desire could be found in their hearts. If only one would first believe then he would know it was true because he believed it. Moreover, one who believed would find that proof was evidenced by a strange feeling like unto a burning in your bosom, that comes from believing what you want, in total ignorant bliss of any encumbrance of logic or real fact. If, however, the burning in your bosom continues or responds not to non prescription medications, one should see his doctor. He may have a more serious condition than faith.

And then Macaroni did take away the tablets that they be seen no more, nor that it could be required to provide proof of them, except for such proof as could be provided by 12 witnesses who saw with the eyes of faith, that which epigraphic archeology had so cruelly deprived us of. And the light of the vision did dim like unto someone being unplugged.

I got back into my car and drove off in a brand new direction, looking for those who could be converted and thinking of new "family values" type TV spots that could be used for the legitimization and promotion of this church of new later day sucker... er... I mean, saints. - J. "Smith"

Well, I'm back. Sorry, it was just some crazies selling fake Jesus.
So, what was I saying? Oh,ya, sound familiar? -M

"I was a fundamentalist christian, once....."

2005-05-04T23:09:00.000-07:00

This is one of my favorite quotes from 'Blue like jazz' by Donald Miller. The quote is in reguards to a time in his life (he says it only lasted one summer) when he joined a group of men at a Colorado retreat. Most of the time was devoted to bitching about women and how wussy today's man has become. Oh, ya, sometimes they prayed.
Any way, it got me thinking (always a danger) about how, I too, was a 'Fundy' for a time as well. Thanks go to my wife for reminding me of my proper place. Anyway, I actually spent several days on 'THE MOUNTAIN' listening for God. May have heard from him, maybe not. What i did hear was alot of pious, conserv-a-freaks posing for each other. Now I realize this post is a little different from my regular drivle, but I think its important that I share with you one of the many 'fake' conversations I over heard. Please stay with me on this. Im sure it will be insitefull. (Some names have been changed to..er...never mind.)

Randy: Hello Kurt, how are you keeping, it’s been quite a while since I’ve seen you. Must be what? The start of the summer? Where have you been?
Kurt: Well Randy, I’ve been away, serving the Lord, on mission work.
Randy: Oh really? Where?
Kurt: Well everywhere really…
Randy: No, but where exactly?
Kurt: Oh, North, South, East, er, West…
Randy: No, but where were you?
Kurt: I was away that place missionaries go. You mean you don’t know?
Randy: Oh, the missionfield!
Kurt: Yes, that’s where I was, the mission field.
Randy: You know, I heard that Matt has quit his job to work for himself. Always about himself.....
Kurt: Dear dear dear, he obviously hasn't reached the same spiritual peak which we are currently enjoying.
Randy: And what's worse, I heard that Allen got a new job doing some kind of software programming, and they have unfiltered internet access!
Kurt: Tut tut tut. I think that there is only one appropriate response. (Both men claps hand in a prayer type fashion, and looking piously at the skies.)
Randy: Kurt, you look a bit tired today, what’s the problem? Burning the candle of spiritual fervour at both ends?
Kurt: Well, to be honest, I was up very early this morning to do some praying, 6:30am to be precise.
Randy: Not a lot unlike myself, I was up at 6:00am for reading, before moving onto prayer at 7:00am.
Kurt: Oh, did I say 6:30am for praying? That’s true, but I had already done my hour’s reading, from 5:30am until 6:30am.
Randy: Again, not unlike myself, I meditated from 5:00am to 6:00am, before reading from 6:00am to 7:00am and then finally praying from 7:00am until 8:00am.
kurt: Well, if you were reading, what were you reading exactly?
Randy: The bible!
Kurt: Well I know the bible, but which part?
Randy: Well I was reading the book of Jeremiah. Now that’s a prophetic book.
Kurt: Prophetic? I thought it was quite good.
Randy: Well what have YOU been reading?
Kurt: Well I’ve been reading Ephesians, that’s the letter from the apostle Paul to the church at Ephesus...
Randy: Well I’ve been reading Galatians, that’s the letter from the apostle Paul to the church at Galatia...
Kurt: Well I’ve been reading 1st and 2nd Corinthians, that’s the letter from the apostle Paul to the Corinthian church...
Randy: Well I’ve been reading 1st and 2nd Chronicles, that’s the letter from the apostle Paul to the chronic church...
Kurt: Tell me about Genesis, what do you think of it?
Randy: Never the same after Phil Collins left.......
I've heard that Matt missed his quiet time and bible study last Wednesday.
Kurt: Dear dear dear, when will these so called Christians learn?
Randy: And what's worse, I heard that Allen not only missed his prayer time last Tuesday and Friday week ago, he has been known to spend as little as 25 minutes per day in bible study and prayer.
Kurt: Tut tut tut. I think that there is only one appropriate response. (Both men claps hand in a prayer type fashion, and looking piously at the skies.)
Randy: Tell me this Kurt, what did you think of church this morning?
Kurt: Well I left the service thoroughly uplifted and invigorated to further serve the Lord.
Randy: You mean you weren’t uplifted and on fire before going into the service?
Kurt: No, I was, it’s just that I was even more so after the service, I was even more on fire, really burning up. What about you Randy, did your cup floweth over at this morning’s service?
Randy: It certainly did, those communion glasses are much too small.....
I've heard that Matt didn't make it into church this morning until after the first hymn. Obviously slept in.
Kurt: Dear dear dear, an obvious case of mind over matress!
Randy: And what's worse, I saw Allen keep his eyes open during the first prayer, AND he couldn't understand some of the words in the Baptist hymnal. Tut tut.
Kurt: Tut tut tut. I think that there is only one appropriate response. (Both men claps hand in a prayer type fashion, and looking piously at the skies.)
Randy: Kurt, we're starting the Men's Group again this year, and there are some ground rules we'd better establish.
Kurt: Keep good hours - not too much socialising ...
Randy: ... Stay in the church to avoid sin!
Kurt: Good diet ...
Randy: ... live on communion crackers and grape juice all year so we can afford to go on retreats all next summer!
Kurt: Get study done ...
Randy: ... allow half an hour at the end of each night's four bible study to spend with our famillies! The problem is Kurt, that while all these other guys like Matt and Allen are working, visiting with friends, loving their famillies ...
Kurt: ... we're going to be firmly planted in the real world!

....And this was only one of many.
Stay tuned for more installments of enlightenment.
-M

The man behind the sock...

2005-05-03T23:09:00.000-07:00

I must confess, I read this quiz on another site, but just had to have it!

Which Superhero would you be?
I can remember back (to last week) sitting alone in my room, dreaming of how I would save the world....but that's boring!

I've never been a big fan of comics, and the cartoon sups. my kids watch today all have extremely large feet. That doesn't seem so super. Still, for my money, it's gotta big the Big man himself. No, not God, Superman! He's classic. He is the embodiement of super.

What Is Your Most Embarrasing Moment?
Okay, this one's too easy. I have never told anyone this, and subsiquently, THIS post will now become my 'MEM'.
9th grade, english class, while passing an anonymous love poem to my dream girl (Jen W.) I am caught by Mr. Matheson. "Mr. M. (that's me, BTW) would you please come to the front of the class......
Me: "Sh$t, sh$T, sh*t..... (well, you get the picture)"
Teach: "Would you please read what you have there?"
Me: "No thanks?"
Teach: "Yes please!"
Me: *uncomfortable silence*....
"Salty but sweet, is the sweat from your face.
I secretly watch you as you run the race. (she was in track, geeze!)
Even as you slow, I watch you press on,
I'll stay by your side , as the others race on....."
There was more, but to this day, it's a work in progress!

If You Could Be Any Animal, What Would You Be & Why?
A rooster, a really, really BIG rooster!
What?
Oh, come on!

What Band/Singer You Would Never Admit Listening to?
So many to choose from.....keep it simple,my wife's Dido CD.

What is The Cheesiest Movie You Could Watch Over & Over Again?
'Clan of the Cave Bear', there is just something about a woman in animal skin!

Which Movie Character Do You Most Identify With?
Often, Jim Carey in Bruce Almighty. (okay, serious for a sec)
Sometimes, I wonder if maybe my prayers get lost in the crowd of others. Is God just ignoring me, or can He not hear me?

What Book Would You Would Recommend?
I was gonna say the Bible (Sex, Lies, Murder, Destruction, Redemption, Happy Ending but mysterious) but for a quicker, less meaningful read, I would recommend Christopher Moore's Lamb . Follow the link and enjoy!

What is the Last Dream you remember?
Last night I had the most realistic dream.
I was sitting in my favorite chair, it was dark out, the house was completely silent except for the 'click, click, click' of my laptop keyboard.....
No, wait, that was real, I was just up late posting again!

What is Your Favourite Board Game?
I love to play scrable. I am the werst spelr in thu werld, but I luv it!

What is Your Unusual Talent?
I was going to say making people disappear, but you're still here reading!
(Its not spelling, either) I may need to get back to you on that one.

So ther you have it. Some handy useless insight into the man behind the sock.
Until next time.....M

"House of Flying Sporks"

2005-05-02T23:08:00.000-07:00

"Lord No, he's posting more about his damn kids!"
Shut up! Its my blog....... (quiet)....thats what I thought.
So, coming straight to VHS, too tough for Jet-Li, too much for Van Dam, too....silly...for Jackie Chan. They are the littlest Ninjas, in, house of the flying Sporks!

Come on, how do you not post somethin' like that?
You should see they're 'Funky, fresh moves".
I promise, no more kids for at least, uh, until they do something else stupid.
L8r.

Take me out to the ball game...(and shoot me!)

2005-05-01T23:07:00.000-07:00

Week (weak) # 2 for softball. Did I mention before how old I am? Perhaps a photo would help......

Well, okay, maybe I'm not that.....good lookin'?
Well, I stretched, warmed up, took my sorry fat old ass out of the outfield, and plopped it down behind home plate. So how did I still managed to pull a muscle?
Probably the same way I sweat just thinkin' about running. What ever. I went 1 for 3. Down from my last 2 for 4 week. At this rate I won't even have to get up, I'll just be an automatic out.
What ever, gets me out of the recliner.

So in other news, both the girls are sick. I've re-named them Chuck and Ralph.

So as I'm standing there holding the bowl, I'm wondering.... "What the hell is that? I don't remember her eating that!" I was trying not to hurl myself, but damn, if I didn't know what that was. Oh, well.

Kids, you gotta love 'em...

2005-04-30T23:06:00.000-07:00

I remember when I was a kid....(see, still 30 days til XXX, and I'm already breakin' out the "When I was a kid..." stories).....I did a lot of weird, dangerous and gross things. Frogs, ants and snakes in the teachers desk, jumping off the roof, telling my younger brother and sister that the salt was sugar. But my children, bless them, take the cake in the wierd/ morbid catagory. They, as kids do, like to pretend;
"I'm a princess and you are my slave." or "Come into my restaurant."
But I've noticed a somewhat desturbing trend lately. Everything is DEAD! Yes, dead. But more specificly, dead deer. Take for example a recent car trip. I will try to keep this verbatim. Here we go....
T:"Sissy, lets play that I'm your baby, and I am crying and I won't stop."
H:"Ok sister, and I have a baby kitty and Im her mommy."
T:"Ok and pretend that we had to burry the kitty 'cause it was dead!"
But wait, it gets better......
H:"Now we burried her but she's not realy all the way dead."
T:"yeah, and so we were gonna save her but there was this dead deer."
H:"With blood?"
T:"Yeah, all over. And you were still crying, but not 'cause of the deer, but 'cause your kitty didn't like you any more, and wanted to come home with me."
H:"And I was mad at you so I killed your daddy, and then I had to go to jail."
Ah, children, ain't they sweat? When they're not dead.

Triple X....it's almost here....

2005-04-29T23:05:00.000-07:00

Not Ice Cube, not Vin......Me.
Big 3-0. But don't say thirty, say "TRIPLE X!" It sounds way cooler.
Im okay with it now, but my wife will tell you that for several weeks, I was anything but cool. It's part of waking from the coma (read blogger profile), for the time you were snoozin', your mind didn't age. But as I figured out last Sunday after a 'friendly' game of softball with a few much younger friends, the body moves on with or without ya. After a much needed massage....MMMM ......sorry.... I'm back and ready to go again.
So what does XXX mean these days?
*Young friends are often convinced you don't dig My Chemical Romance and Evanescence just because you are old (could be, but I seriously doubt it).
*Friends your age will try to convince you that Motley Crue and Poison were classic bands (nope, they sucked then and they suck even more today).
*I can see where I've been and how its shaped who I am. There are things I'm not proud of and other things that were painful but so essential for character development.
One thing I fear about getting older is that I'm going to turn into one of those people who constantly tell stories about when they were younger. It's odd how much the world has changed. "I remember life without computers. I have lived through 6 presidents. I remember when atari was cutting edge." But how fun is that!
So I look forward, with my (slightly graying) head held high. I'll show those young punks I've still got it! (the massages will just be between you and me)
And remember, "It's not the years, it's the mileage." -M

If it's good enough for him...

2005-04-28T23:04:00.000-07:00

MMMM....Coffee!

I have to start by saying that I'm actually not a huge fan of "FourBucks", but they're on every corner. Some times you need ("Im gettin' the shakes, man!") a cup, and you don't have time to drive to your fav spot. So I recently found my self in need of a a quick fix, and wouldn't you know it, there's a SB! (and one right across the street, too!?)
So I pull into the parking lot, and I notice there's a dude at the drive-thru! UGGG.
I can put up with alot, but male baristas.... not happenin' for me! Its not that they can't make a good cup of sludge, but if Im gonna fork out $6.00 for joe, I wanna pretty face to give it to me. Is that so wrong?
Well I didn't give up, I pulled into a parking space and headed inside.....AHHHHH!

Sausage fest!
So I did the only thing I could......pretend I'm looking for someone, and quickly make my escape! I'm recovering though. I made it across the street, ordered my addiction (I'm not really addicted, I can stop when ever I want...really!)and proceeded on my way. I still carry the scar....M

I hate trends....

2005-04-28T23:02:00.000-07:00

Gawd, i really hope no one sees this.
I hate trends. My favorite to hate right this second has got to be the sweatbands. what the hell?

(is that a garage door opener he's talking to?)Half....no, 3/4 of the poeple wearing them have never sweated in thier lives! Me, I sweat just thinking about sweating, b ut I won't wear the damn things.Speaking of trends, how about that whole 'Blog thing'? All of a sudden, every loser with a keyboard has a site...........ah.......well......nothing else for now.