Saturday, June 25, 2005

Just a few thoughts on gays and the bible.....He, he, he!

It seems that a lot the books I've been reading lately have a couple things in common. One of those is the the breaking down of scriptures to the base context of some of the root Greek and Latin words. So I've decided to give it a try myself.

When God said "Whosoever" what did He (or she) mean? Did it mean "except certain groups of people?" According to many so called "Christians" it does! Homophobes, and their ilk, (lesbiaphobes, transvestiphobes, biphobes, beastophobes and other phobes we'd rather not think about) would have you believe that all these genetically determined sexual preferences are not compatible with Christianity. Some even go as far as to say that the Bible prohibits such things. But the Bible nowhere mentions such things, and even if it did, it would not really prohibit such behavior. Lets look at a few of those passages where homosexuality is not only not mentioned, but affirmed!

Lets start with Sodom and that other place. As the story goes, two angels visited Lot in Sodom. Lot invites the angels to his home but they reply, "Nay; but we will abide in the street all night." In this context, this Hebrew phrase obviously referred to the angels intention to check out the night life in Sodom. Lot thinks this is a bad idea. Could it have been that the night life in the town was so boring that Lot was embarrassed to have such distinguished guests experience it? Let's explore this idea further.

Lot prevails upon his guests and they go to his home for the night. Shortly thereafter, they are disturbed by the town folk demanding that Lot bring his guests out so they might "know" them. The Hebrew word translated here can mean to have sex with someone, but it can also refer more intellectual pursuits. This meaning would fit better with the obvious lack of night life in this dead little burg. They probably wanted to bore their angelic visitors with discussions of philosophy or theology.

As if to drive home how boring the town was, Lot offers the crowd his two daughters to do with as they please. Though this seems cruel, Lot had no fear for his daughters. The prudish townsmen turn down his offer, but they don't simply take up their chess boards and go home. These louts are so socially maladroit that they try to invite themselves in. The angels, perhaps fearing an all night chess tournament or trivial pursuit game, smite them with blindness. As Lot flees the city, fire and brimstone are rained upon it, producing the only "hot" night in the city's history. Perhaps if Sodom and Gomorrah had one decent female impersonator between the two of them, they would have been spared.

Moving from narrative to law we find an oft quoted verse. Leviticus 18:22 says, "Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it [is] abomination." The word "abomination" gives us a hint to the meaning of the verse. Pagan idol worship is often referred to as an "abomination." The word then must infer some sort of pagan ritual. Anything called an "abomination" is wrong by virtue of it's connection to a pagan ritual of some sort. It is ritual homosexual prostitution in pagan temples which the verse condemns, not homosexuality in a committed relationship. All of chapter 18 deals exclusively with sexual sins, and since this verse is in the middle of this context it is likely that all of the sins mentioned in chapter 18 are of the same type, i.e. ritual sins associated with worship of a pagan god. Among these are ritual bestiality, ritual adultery with your neighbor, and ritual uncovering of your mother's nakedness.

In fact, Biblical scholarship owes a debt of gratitude to recent pro gay biblical scholarship which discovered this particular interpretive device while attempting to justify homosexual behavior from a biblical perspective. This is because it has opened up a host of things that we now know were done in pagan temples only because they were called an "abomination." Deuteronomy 22:5 says, "The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so [are] abomination unto the LORD thy God." This prohibits only ritual cross dressing. Non-ritual cross dressing is OK. In 24:4, ritual divorce, marriage to some one else, divorce again, then remarrying the original guy, is prohibited only if all of this is done in a pagan temple. Proverbs 15:26 prohibits wicked people from thinking while in a pagan temple and in 20:10 inaccurate scales are frowned upon only if they are used in a pagan temple. The list of ritual behaviors that were a part of pagan worship goes on and on, and most of them are only known to be a part of ritual pagan ceremonies because of their association with the word "abomination."

The question of whether Old Testament law is even binding for Christians also has to be asked. We no longer obey certain ritualistic laws, like don't eat pork or kindle a fire on Saturday and no alfredo sauce with your veal. We are no longer under the law, but under the gospel. The Old Testament doesn't condemn homosexuality anywhere, and passages like Leviticus 18:22 or 20:13 or Deuteronomy 23:17 or Genesis 19, all of which do not condemn homosexuality, may be ignored with impunity.

This, of course, brings us to Mathew 5:17-18 which seems to say, "Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfill. For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one title shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled."

First of all, Matthew was a Jew, and it is commonly thought that his audience was Jewish. This brings the whole book under suspicion of being no more than Mosaic propaganda! But, lets dig a little deeper into the passage. The whole thing can change meaning depending on how you define fulfill." It means "complete" and as everyone knows, Christ completed God's work on the cross, rendering the Law unnecessary. Since it is unnecessary, it need not be obeyed. So that what is really meant by fulfill" is to do away with or destroy.

As if to reinforce this teaching, Jesus goes on to state the only parts of the Law that we must adhere to are the "jots" and titles." And I've never heard of a homosexual advocating the elimination of either of them.

We know that Jesus himself felt no animosity towards gay people. If he had, surely he would have said so, and yet he is completely silent on the subject. He also allowed treason, bestiality, gluttony, rape, child pornography, and smoking crack, because he didn't say not to do those things either.

This leaves only Jewish rabbinical homophobe Paul, as the only possible source of anti-gay teaching in the whole Bible. Even if we don't disqualify Paul as a homophobe, there is still room for variant interpretations of his seemingly anti-gay polemic.

In his first letter to the Corinthians in 6:9 he says, " Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind," etc. etc. While it is clear that heterosexual fornicators are condemmed, the meaning of the phrase, "abusers of themselves with mankind," is open to many variant interpretations. The Greek word translated here has two parts. Arrhen means man, and koite means to lie down with or have sex with. It seems to infer that men having sex with men is prohibited, but a closer look at the Greek reveals a different story.
Once upon a time, "arr" was a nautical term used almost exclusively by pirates, which drew attention to the words that followed; as in the greeting, "Arr matey." This was compounded with a term for female domesticated fowl, and might more accurately be translated "henway" which literally meant about three pounds.

Though "koite" is a word that is normally refers to a prone position and was commonly used as a euphemism for intercourse just as "sleeping with" is a modern euphemism for intercourse, in this case, a closer look at the word "euphemism" reveals that the verse referred to international economics. The root word, "phone" when used as a verb, means to communicate over a distance, via use of the noun form of the word. As everyone knows "eu" stands for "European Union." Though it is unclear what "koite" means when is used in conjunction with an attempt to get the whole European Union on the phone for a conference call about 3 pounds sterling, it clearly has nothing to do with ones sexual preference.

Furthermore, it illustrates Paul's basic mental instabilities caused by his blatant homophobia. It is no wonder that much of what Paul wrote has to be thrown out as cultural bias.

These are just a few of the variant interpretations that are available. The actual numbers are Legion. To believe that any Biblical passage condemns homosexual behavior is both arrogant and reckless in light of so many other interpretations that are perfectly reasonable, scholarly, and just as valid. The only real reason we are left with to say the Bible condemns homosexuality is the homophobia of our fellow Christians.

So there you have it. Beleive what you will, but do we really need to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars, and hours and hours of labor, working to ban something that isn't even spelled out completely as a sin (See Love won out) or should we put those efforts behind ending poverty in our world?
You can decided.

Friday, June 24, 2005

Read and pray with me......

A friend of mine, ( I have never met her, and may never, but I would still call her friend. We have shared blogs and emails, and we share faith. We have a conversational relationship, and I call her friend) Sharol (SBCAMBELL.BLOGSPOT.COM) just posted this. I would like to share it with you aswell.

" Does Jesus Care About Dogs?
If your answer is yes, than please read.

My best friend's dog is dieing. He keeps eating rocks. He just overcame major surgery two weeks ago, and now he has eaten another rock. Only this time he is not expected to live. My friend is crushed. If this dog dies, a peice of her will die.

She has asked for prayer. My prayer is good, but than I thought, what would happen if a I could get a huge amount of people to pray? Would it change anything? Would you pray?

I ask for three things.

Pray that the dog lives.

Pray that God be the woman's strength and that he provide financial help for the vet bill.

Pray that if God chooses to save the dog, he protects the dog from his suicidal behavior. (If your faith can take you that far.)

You don't need to know the woman's name or the name of the dog. God will know.
Just say "God, ya know that blog I read tonight about the dog..."

And remember this:

Proverbs 12:10a

"A righteous man cares for the needs of his animal.

So God must care.

I believe God cares for all his creations, animal and human alike. So I will be praying with Sharol, and I hope you will, also.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Thoughts on sex and passion.....and church life?

The sexual crisis in America is turning into an epidemic, with the internet only helping to spread the virus. Old methods of addressing such problems may not be up to the task of securing our integrity in this new paradigm. Almost every teenager is having pre-marital sex (i had a friend comment recently that he wished he was having
post-marital sex). Pornography and loosening TV standards are paving a way to a world where every child will have seen full penetration sex in elementary school; where the intimacy of love-making has been reduced to a recreational sport; where the gift of God has been cheapened and largely diminished. What He intended for good, as usual we are well on our way to screwing up big time.

The result is a loss of passion. A loss of intimacy. A loss of intensity.
So much lack of intensity these days. Look at other areas of your life as well; where is the passion?

Some of you are married (christians). Where is the passion?
Quit greeting each other with your housecoat and slippers on (sunday best/fake greetings) and hairy armpits and body odor. Where’s the passion? Did you get married (become a christian) so it would end up this boring? Where’s the romance? Where’s the passion? You going to settle for boring? Is that why you got married?

Teenagers. Nothing sucks worse than boring, uncommitted teens. So you’re bored. So this town sucks… guess what? It’s your fault. Quit whining! Stand up and make something of your life. Take a stand at school. Believe in something. Go on a missions trip. Get a life. Volunteer. Make a difference. Quit living just to make yourself happy. Be alive.

Single adults. So you have a job and a car. How’s that working out for you? You happy yet? Maybe you’ll be happy when you get a better car or make money… but I doubt it.
What are you giving your life for? Yourself? Instant pleasure? More trips surfing or playing around or just being selfish? How are you changing your world? How’s that working out for you?

Older adults. Made enough money yet? Done enough yet? Acquired enough stuff to load down your hearse yet? How’s that working out for you. How are you investing the rest of your days?

What kind of a world (church?) would you create for yourself and those around you, if you actually took the time to think about what you were doing? Would you really want to spend the next 30 years at the same lame-ass job that wasn't making a difference? Would you really settle for security? In a watered-down world of cream of wheat dreams and instant gratification, where is the danger? Where is the PASSION? What are you living for?

RE-learning to fly.....

"While walking through the forest one day, a man found a young eagle who had fallen out of his nest. He took it home and put it in his barnyard where it soon learned to eat and behave like the chickens. One day a naturalist passed by the farm and asked why it was that the king of all birds should be confined to live in the barnyard with the chickens. The farmer replied that since he had given it chicken feed and trained it to be a chicken, it had never learned to fly. Since it now behaved as the chickens, it was no longer an eagle.
"Still it has the heart of an eagle," replied the naturalist, "and can surely be taught to fly." He lifted the eagle toward the sky and said, "You belong to the sky and not to the earth. Stretch forth your wings and fly." The eagle, however, was confused. He did not know who he was, and seeing the chickens eating their food, he jumped down to be with them again. The naturalist took the bird to the roof of the house and urged him again, saying, "You are an eagle. Stretch forth your wings and fly." But the eagle was afraid of his unknown self and world and jumped down once more for the chicken food. Finally the naturalist took the eagle out of the barnyard to a high mountain. There he held the king of the birds high above him and encouraged him again, saying, "You are an eagle. You belong to the sky. Stretch forth your wings and fly." The eagle looked around, back towards the barnyard and up to the sky. Then the naturalist lifted him straight towards the sun and it happened that the eagle began to tremble. Slowly he stretched his wings, and with a triumphant cry, soared away into the heavens."

For many people life is a lot like that story, only they never stretch out their wings and attempt to fly.
They spend their lives living the life of chickens when they could be living the life of an eagle.
Incase anyone was wondering, this is a metaphor for alot of Christians. Myself included. Its time to soar.....

Monday, June 20, 2005

Was that Jesus?

I just came across this and it seemed to fit nicely in what I've been pondering......
Its a story from Tony Campolo.........

Tony Campolo tells of a time he was on on a landing strip just outside the border of the Dominican Republic in northern Haiti. Haiti is one of the poorest nations in the world. As Tony waited for his plane to arrive a woman came toward him holding a child in her arms. The baby's arms and legs were stick thin, his stomach was swollen from malnutrition.

The woman held her child out and cried, "Take my baby! Take my baby! Please, mister, take my baby. If you don't take my baby, my baby's going to die. Take my baby. Please, take my baby!"

Tony tried to explain he couldn't take the baby, tried to look away, but the mother kept appearing in his face "Make my baby your baby. Feed my baby. Take my baby to a hospital. Save my baby. Please! Please! Please!"

Tony's plane finally arrived. A small plane, he ran across to board it. And the mother followed. "Take my baby! Take my baby! Take my baby!"

Tony climbed on board the plane, desperate to get away, but the woman wouldn't let him go that easily. She ran to the side of the plane and banged on the door. "Take my baby, take my baby." Til finally the plane pulled away and took off into the sky.

Halfway back to Haiti's capital Tony was shamed by the words of Christ as recorded in Matthew 25:42-43, "I was hungry, and you gave me nothing to eat. I was thirsty, and you gave me nothing to drink. I was a stranger, and you didn't take me in; naked, and you did not clothe me; sick, and in prison, and you did not visit me".

That was Jesus he left behind?

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Musings on faith.....

The relationship starts here.....

As I continue on my life journey, I continually see, hear or read things that are thought provoking. One of these things recently has been a book my wife got for me from the library: Out of the question...Into the mystery, by Leonard Sweet.

I will tell you first that I have stopped reading the jackets of novels, and just read whatever my wife hands me. This one was a huge hanging curve. (That'’s baseball speak for WTF!)
As I opened it it began with something called '‘Acknowledgements'’, which I usually pass right by. But as I was turning the pages looking for the first chapter, I noticed something at the end of the Acks. It was a short poem by Isaac Watts.

"not all the blood of beasts
on jewish alters slain,
could give the guilty conscience peace,
or wash away the stain.

But Christ, the heavenly lamb,
Takes all our sins away;
A sacrifice of nobler name
And rich blood than they….

Believing, we rejoice
To see the curse removed;
We bless the lamb with cheerful voice,
And sing his bleeding love."”

This is going to be an interesting read.
First chapter;
"where did we miss the person, and get the point instead?"

I'’m just going to throw out a few of the more thought provoking quotes that I'’ve read (so far, I'’m not even ½ way thru!)

Speaking about 'faith': "Evangelists still preach faith, and pastors still continue to urge parishioners struggling with life'’s setbacks to 'have faith'. But in the daily life of faith we have lost sight of faith. Or more accurately, we've developed more of a faith '“perspective'”."”

"“The difference between an object-based church and a relation-based church is the difference between a church that sells itself verses a church that brings people into a living, lifelong relationship with Christ AND one another. A relation-based church is less a place where creeds are dispensed and adherents are conscripted than a place where people can connect with God and with one another, and where their faith journeys can be encouraged and enabled."”

I like this one a lot (sorry Eric).....

"With Christians now largely indistinguishable from non-Christians in how (we) live and think, there is no longer a startling freshness to the proclamation of biblical truth when it is presented as '‘principals and propositions'’. How a person lives speaks much more loudly than what he or she asserts, now as always."

And finally (for now).....
"“Most Christians use the words 'belief' and 'faith' interchangeably. But to admit (believe) falls far short of to commit (faith)....Admitting is useless with out committing!"

Another thing that has caused my brain some strain was something someone (another Christian) said when they saw the sticker on my laptop ("“Jesus is a Liberal"”) ..... "“You must be one of the Progressive Christians."
Was that supposed to be a shot? Is that a bad thing, to be progressive? Here is what I found........
TCPC was the first (and only thing so far) that I found. Here is the gist.....

"By calling ourselves progressive, we mean that we are Christians who"…
1. Have found an approach to God through the life and teachings of Jesus;
2. Recognize the faithfulness of other people who have other names for the way to God's realm, and acknowledge that their ways are true for them, as our ways are true for us;
3. Understand the sharing of bread and wine in Jesus' name to be a representation of an ancient vision of God's feast for all peoples;
4. Invite all people to participate in our community and worship life without insisting that they become like us in order to be acceptable (including but not limited to):
believers and agnostics,
conventional Christians and questioning skeptics,
women and men,
those of all sexual orientations and gender identities,
those of all races and cultures,
those of all classes and abilities,
those who hope for a better world and those who have lost hope;
5. Know that the way we behave toward one another and toward other people is the fullest expression of what we believe;
6. Find more grace in the search for understanding than we do in dogmatic certainty - more value in questioning than in absolutes;
7. Form ourselves into communities dedicated to equipping one another for the work we feel called to do: striving for peace and justice among all people, protecting and restoring the integrity of all God's creation, and bringing hope to those Jesus called the least of his sisters and brothers; and
8. Recognize that being followers of Jesus is costly, and entails selfless love, conscientious resistance to evil, and renunciation of privilege.

I love this (accept #2, I have issues with that one). I guess he was complementing me!
Maybe I should change my sticker to "Jesus is a Progressive".

Fathers day

Well Happy Fathers day to all you other fathers out there. Growing up, I never gave much thought to fathers day, other than to buy a last minute card and some goofy something-or-other, for my dad. My dad was a blue collared guy so we never gave him ties. (I think I can count on 1 hand the number of times he has worn a tie) Usually in was a small hand tool; screw driver, pocket knife, new tape measure. He always said thank you, and always tried to use whatever we gave him for at least a few weeks, or until us kids forgot about it.
Now, I’m going on my 7th (and 5th) year as a dad, and every year it gets a little more special, little more meaningful. I hope it still feels that way for my dad.
This morning at church, a friend of mine spoke a little about what being a father means to him. He is also a dad of young kids (3,5,6?) so I could relate to what he was saying. What he said really was poignant. He was talking about how he felt his kids were “just on loan to him” from God. He was there to bring them up, raise them, love them, and guide them. And that being a father to him was a form of worship and honoring of our Heavenly father. Wow.
Now I love my kiddos, but some times they can catch me at a bad moment, and I will lash out. And some times I will spoil them till they stink to high heaven. But for the most part, I (along with my best friend and wife) will do the best I can to bring them up in a way that will be honoring to God.

My sister is a big steaming pile of crap! She is lazy, selfish, a terrible mother, and just plain crazy some times. But my Dad still loves her. I hadn’t really thought about it much until hearing (albeit, a lousy interpretation) sermon about the ‘Prodigal Son’. The gist was that even though the Son was a dope, wasted all his inheritance, the father took him back with open arms. Of course, Jesus used this is a metaphor for Gods grace, but we as Christians, often mirror the other(good) brother. The one who was responsible, stayed home and worked hard. How dare dad let that idiot come back home, and give him more of what he threw away. I think my Dad is like the father in the story, to a flaw. While I’m glad that God will always accept us back, she’s never going to learn! But maybe I will. What if she never learns because no one ever tells her what’s going?
I still hate my sister,LOL, but I love my dad for his grace. I hope if either of my lovelies ever turns out crazy, I will show them the same grace my dad continues to show my sister.
Happy fathers day, to all the dads, and the step dads, the stand in dads, and even the single moms filling in for dads. May you all show the same grace to your children, that God the Father Shows you, every day!

Friday, June 17, 2005

The results are in.....

Im going to hell. here's why.....

You scored as Emergent/Postmodern. You are Emergent/Postmodern in your theology. You feel alienated from older forms of church, you don't think they connect to modern culture very well. No one knows the whole truth about God, and we have much to learn from each other, and so learning takes place in dialogue. Evangelism should take place in relationships rather than through crusades and altar-calls. People are interested in spirituality and want to ask questions, so the church should help them to do this.





Neo orthodox


Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan


Roman Catholic


Classical Liberal


Modern Liberal




Reformed Evangelical


What's your theological worldview?
created with

Thursday, June 16, 2005

"Have you ever.....?"

Snuck out of the house........ When I was a kid or lately? Yes, both. Bet Im in trouble now.
Gotten lost in your city.........It has one stop light! Some times I think Ive lost my mind.
Seen a shooting star.......... This one time in California, I was at this bar with Robert Blake……
Been to any other countries besides Canada.......Canada is another country? Holy crap, I just thought they were weird.
Had a serious surgery........ I’ve had to pull my head outta my ass a few times, by I didn’t need a surgeon for it!
Gone out in public in your pajamas....... I used to go every where in my PJs when I was in college.
Kissed a stranger.......... Heck yeah! I’ve kissed some real strange ones (do my children count? They are real strange.)
Hugged a stranger......... Everyone needs a hug some times!
Been in a fist fight......... What, you wanna peice of me?
Been arrested.......... Not yet....
Laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose...... No, but in Jr High, my friend Phil, made this HUGE milk bubble come out his nose.
Pushed all the buttons on an elevator........ Every time (if my girls don’t beat me to it)
Swore at your parents......... I swore at my mom once when I was 17, and my dad slap the crap outta me. Now we can’t get my mom to QUIT swearing.
Been in love........For the last 11 years!
Been close to love….. She’s right over on the couch now…..?
Been to a casino......... Which one? I’ve donated to quite a few. Doing my part to return what was taken from the Native Americans.
Been skydiving..........Not yet. Im a big pussy, so probably never.
Skinny dipped........... No, well, yes, I guess. Does naked in a hot tub with my wife while on vacation count?
Skipped school...........What’s school? Oh, THAT’S where everyone was when I would wake up!
Seen a therapist........ I saw Freud at my favorite coffee shop just the other day. (Non-Action figures)
Done the splits...........Yeah, right!
Played spin the bottle........... I wanted to sooooo bad, but it always got broken up before it got to me. Played truth or dare once, but while everyone was daring to make out with everyone else, I was mostly passed out!
Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour..........MMMMMOOOOOOO!, Yes, but Im not proud.
Bitten someone.......... Yeah, but she smelled REALLY yummy!
Been to Niagara Falls.... Yep. Been there done that, both sides. Canada was much better.
Gotten the chicken pox.......Hasn’t every one?
Kissed a member of the same sex....... My dad!
Crashed into a friend's car........ Don’t think so.
Been to Japan......... (Sorry Steve, but yours was a classic answer!) No, but I have a lotta stuff from there!
Ridden in a taxi............ Yeah, smelled like ass.
Been dumped........... I have a trailer that I need to load up and take there this week end…..the dump, right?
Shoplifted............ If a tree falls in the forest and nobody saw you do it……
Been fired.............Nope, but I quit a lot of jobs.
Had a crush on someone of the same sex......... Nahh, guys are just too hairy!
Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back........... How about if I touched them while they were sleeping, and they didn’t feel it? What! I drew a mustache on a buddy while he was pasted out. You’re just gross, how could you think that?
Gone on a blind date............. No
Lied to a friend............ No, cause the “Truth will make you……”
Had a crush on a teacher............ Yes! Miss Turner, my second grade teacher. She was from Ireland, and had an amazing accent.
Slept with a co-worker............ I work in construction, so GAUD NO!
Been married........... Yeah, but don’t tell my wife!
Had children.............Had one for lunch, tasty……okay, yeah I have 2 girls.
Seen someone die............I was at this club, open mike, and this one guy totally was dying. When I was in 9th grade I saw my friend Gabe get hit by a car while crossing the hi-way to catch a ride with our carpool. I sang “Friends” by Michael W Smith at his memorial.
Had a close friend die.....See above.
Been to Africa............No, I sun burn really bad.
Driven over 400 miles in one day..........Several times. Seattle to Oregon.
Been to US............Is that in Canada?
Been to Mexico.......... I had Taco Bell for lunch the other day.
Been to India............Every time I call Dell Customer support! “Tank you bedy, bedy much!”
Been on a plane............ Yes, I love the food!
Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.......... Hold on…….”LETS DO THE TIME WARP, AGAIN!”
Thrown up in a bar.......... Guy walks into a bar….. he should’ a ducked!” No.
Purposely set a part of myself on fire........ This one time, while I was playing poker online, I was totally on fire!
Eaten sushi.......... Gimme Fish ‘n Chips anytime! (Cook it, or leave it in the pond!
Been skiing/snowboarding............. took the whole Fam. Skiing on our last vacation. Every one loved it!
Met someone in person from the internet......... Nah.
Lost a child............. Not yet, but not for lack of trying!
Gone to college/university......... I went, I saw, I drank some beer!
Graduated college/university.......... I went I saw……I went home early (and broke)
Fired a gun................. My grand fathers den wall looked like the zoo morgue. Of course.
Purposely hurt yourself...........I am married and have children… I can only take so much!
Taken painkillers.....MMMM, gimme a ‘V’… gimme a ‘I’…. gimme a ‘C’…..gimme …. Uh…. Some more please!
Been intimate with someone of the same gender..........That question is so gay…..Not that there’s anything wrong with that

So now, thanks to Steve’s Nude Blog, who gives thanks to /stacy, for letting me steal this. (Like they had a say in it). Now you have some more interesting (albeit shallow) insight into who the hell I am.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Who says "Men don't listen"

i borrowed this fron van's word spill (finally got some sleep).

Men Don't Listen

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife turning back and forth, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off, he asked what she would like to have for her Birthday. “I'd like to be six again”, she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, poured her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was. Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, and a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's.

What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well Dear, what was it like being six again?" Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. "I meant my dress size, you dumb a**!"

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is going to get it wrong.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Someone shoot me, please.

My daughter woke up from a bad dream around 3AM this morning, and I've been up since! Ironic because I was having a rather good dream.
So rather than try for more sleep, I've been eating crap (of which there is very little of in our house) and blogging. How big of a looser am I? (Please don't answer that).
As I am surfing and reading different blogs, it never ceases to amaze me how people will just go on and on about nothing. Are their lives really that boring? I mean......... Oh shoot, now Im doing it.
How about you just look at this.....and I'll (yawn) try and go back to bed for 15mins..............Enjoy!

More thoughts on priorities......

I received this bit of wisdom via the infamous "Fw:Fw:Fw:Re:" email. You know the ones. Now normally, I delete everything my monster-in-law sends me (who else did you think would keep forwarding something). But this one accidentally found audience with my ocular sensors. And behold it was appropriate! ( and even relevant to my bloggish thoughts, which I found just slightly disconcerting, seeing that she doesn't read.......My blog, I mean!)
Anyway, I'm sure if you have someone in your life who just can't say "NO" to the dreaded forwarded email, you have probably seen the following..... if not, enjoy some 'Wisdom from the web'.

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee!

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.

The golf balls are the important things - Children, family, faith, health, friends, and favorite passions -- things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else -- the small stuff. "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls."

The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you."

"So... pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness."

"Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner.. Play another game. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first -- the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room
for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.

Monday, June 13, 2005

Secrets revealed!

So I was reading Steves Nude blog the other day, and it reminded me of something that happened last week. My daughter, who is six, screamed for me to come to help her in the bathroom. Now she is not exactly one for modesty, but she usually has no trouble in the bathroom. In fact, for a while (2-5 YOA) she would pee everywhere we took her. And the really good places (Walmart, Target, Sears...) she would poop there. Needless to say, not potty problems. Until the other day when she let out the blood curdling, heart stopping, damn-glad-wifes-a-nurse scream.A hundred things go through my mind, none to good.

"Tessa, what's wrong?"
"Its gone!"
"Whats gone?"
"My poop!"
........"Um, yeah, its supposed to go down. Its has now for years."
"BUT I didn't flush just dissapeared!"

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Sure enough, one of the puzzles that has baffled man since the invention of the toilet. The Amazing dissapearing turd!
"Did you really go poop?"
"Dad! Yes, I did!"
"Maybe it crawled out"

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So much fun. I really had her going for awhile.
"You've lost your back pack before, and you hair brush, and you often have a herd time looking for your panties or shoes. But now you've lost your poop!"
Well, I had to tell her something, or she may still be looking for it.

"Ihate that guy!"

You know that guy that doesn't care who he cuts off, cause he's too busy talking on his cell phone to even know? Don't you hate that guy?
What about this...............
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Yeah, thats me blogging this morning.....on the freeway.....doing 60!
I love technologie!

Sunday, June 12, 2005

identity crisis!

earlier, i wrote about finding jesus in strange different/places. but like i'm
fond of telling my daughter "If you hadn't lost it, you wouldn't need to find it
i had a chance to meet face to face with the host of a blog i've just recently
been commenting on. it's been an interesting conversation over the last few
weeks. a lot of the conversation has been the interaction between other commenters and my self, but
after having the chance to meet with jesse, and hearing alittle
bit about his past identity crisis, made me realize that i too have an identity
crisis story to tell. so thanks jesse for the invitation, and here is a little
bit of insight into the man (or hand?) behind the sock.........

i hate to admit it sometimes, but i spent the first 9 years of my academic life
in a "christian school". have you seen the movie 'saved' w/ Macaulay culkin?
if not, go rent it. if you have, you have a small but sorta accurate glimpse
of what my early childhood was like. for those whom would like to finish
reading this before they rush right out to blockbuster, here's the synopsis.
its about some 'super-ultra-christian' kids that go to a 'S-U-C' (i couldn't
resist) school. but mixed in to the story you have these few kids that are
only there for the education (one is jewish, and fakes a 'conversion' during an
assembly, another has just decided he is gay, and is shipped out for
counseling' by his parents). now there were no gays or jews in my school, but
the same theme would have applied. as it was, every friday we would have our own
assembly, where at the end, they would ask if anyone wanted to go to the back of
the gym to 'pray the prayer'. and most fridays, i would opt out of singing the
myriad of stupid christian kid songs (most of which had stupid hand motions) and
go to the back to pray. i must have been saved 240 times! i must be really saved,
well, about 8th grade, actually immediately following 8th grade, i was asked not
to come back. you see the principal and i were on a first name basis. and i had
seen here 'paddle' (yeah, corporal punishment rocked) so many times, that
eventualy she had to bring in her husband to beat me, and then, when my ass was
too numb, i was forced to copy bible verses! theres a good use for the word of
god, punishment!
meanwhile, my parents (bless them) were dragging me and my bro and sis, to every
christian denomination church they heard about. so needless to say, gods playing
a pretty steady role in my life.
fastforward about 13-14 years (don't worry, not much of anything happened here,
well except i rebelled a lot, went to college for a year, met and married my best
friend, love you shannon, and had 2 little girls). now a grown, responsible adult (no, really!) i've returned to the church (i was on a sabbatical, jesus allows for those).it seemed like a good place. i thought my family had found a place where god was at work. unfortunately, or not, all was not bliss. besides being complimentarian (women are second class, among other things) they were really heavy into 'growing' the men of the church, spiritually. Only it was the
gospel according to 'pastor randy' the little know 4th member of the trinity.
looking back, i really believe i needed to go thru all of it to be where i am
now (still struggling w/ more questions than answers). i came to realize a lot
about my self, and the relationship i had been missing with god.
so i had myself a reformation! ok, i just re-committed myself. for some, this is
where the crisis ends. sorry, im just gettin warmed up.
i'll try and make it short. families moves from our very healthy 'looking'
church, to a very much unhealthy, but looking to heal, church. why, well it was
the holy spirit's doing, not mine! i'm sure he has a good reason!
thru some very hard conversations with my wife, i discovered i have AADD (adult
attention deficit disorder).believe me, it explained a lot! you see, for the
majority of my life, i've been a sort of chamillion, a people pleaser. i would go
out of my way to make others happy, even at the expense of my self and my
i am now medicated for yours and my protection!
so (hopefully) ends my crisis. with the help of gods guidance and voice, the
love of my wife and friends, and some tiny white pills, taken twice daily, i
think i'm starting to get a clearer picture of who i'm meant to be.
hence the rest of this blog!
i'm a husband, a father, a son, a believer (trying to reclaim the name
'christian' from those who have tarnished it) and a human trying to live out the
'greater commission', "love thy neighbor",(the 'great commission' being to go
out into the world and make disciples.) I try to love the sinner, not the sin.
what does god have planned for me? i'll just keep asking him (at the coffee
shop) and listening for him (in the shower).

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Somethin' new

so i need to get further away from the political posts. i'm starting to sound like an old man!
so i've been on my meds (ritalin) for almost 2 months now, and i was worried my creativity would subside. but i've been able to write a few things (songs/ poems) and my wife thought the one i showed her sounded pretty good. so here is my latest poem. its a little darker than usual, but it was how i was feeling at the time.
if you like it, maybe i'll put up some more.

"Darkness" by Me
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when the light has faded,
and the darkness
covers me
like a thick wool blanket
Am I alone?

I can not see you
or hear you
or smell you
you are here

you fill my thoughts
you are here
you caress my soul
you are here

there is warmth
on my skin
Why do I feel so alone?

In the silences
you return, questioning
your intensions are pure
still, I push you out
of my mind and my thoughts
but you remain

I long for love
and you long to give it
so why won't I accept?

I can do this on my own
TOO Hurt!
I can mend this my self
Too ashamed.
you still care

Will it ever stop?
this carousel of life,

I am a man
fixer, healer, provider
in need of the same

this space is dark
more still as I retreat
Don't bring the light!
I am not clean

hot tears on cold skin
I am made clean

the darkness will find me
you are STILL here?


Friday, June 10, 2005

Priorities: "Always pillage BEFORE you burn!"

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So I got a frustrated email from a good friend of mine today. he was feeling frustrated because of......we'll call it a 'lack of enough time'. So I asked him what his priorities were. And by the end of our discussion, i was beginning to wonder what MY priorities were.
here are the categories i came up with:
-god/ faith
-family/ wife

so there they are, in no particular order, really. ah, but subconsciously perhaps there is an order there. does god always need to be first? what i told my friend was, maybe not. i believe jesus understands that in order for me to be an effective disciple, i can't be distracted. so maybe family comes first. but, like my friend has pointed out (through futile attempts, sorry dude) some times self needs to be in front in order for the family relationship to work properly. if i don't have respect/ insight/ time for self, how can i have it for any other priority?
and what about work and others? well, if work comes out last too many times, it will eventually affect all the rest. and if others/ friends come out too many times in the end, then who can you turn to in times of need?
what a cluster!
so perhaps the answer is some kind of rotation. a balanced breakfast if you will (cap'n crunch alone is not a healthy breakfast....or lunch, you need milk, and some fruit, and maybe a doughnut)
so everyday, and maybe several times during the day, the order changes. and maybe the change has more to do with a priority lower on the list, than the one in first.
maybe work becomes the #1 priority of the day because bills are mounting. well, in making that #1, it will help in moving family back up the list. and maybe my faith takes a back seat to family, because im spending to much time working on church stuff and not enough at home. well by correcting the imbalance, im moving faith back to the front.
now i know some will say "faith must always be #1".
so maybe my faith is actually a sub catagory of all other priorities!
so, i must be flexible with the priorities and realize, sometimes, 5th must become 1st in order for 4th to become 2nd. and I guess whoever is in 3rd is just screwed!

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Sometimes the truth makes you mad!

Again from MSN........

"The right's point man (click)
in America's culture war"

Here they are talking about James Dobson leaning to much into the political arena.

“The federal judiciary more and more is making the great moral decisions of our time,” Dobson said during a 75-minute interview with The Associated Press. He ticked off rulings involving abortion, the Pledge of Allegiance and the definition of marriage.

“This Supreme Court has co-opted for itself many of the issues that the American people ought to be making through their elected representatives,” he said. “The decisions that are coming down from the Supreme Court have profound implications for the family and for conservative concepts of morality.”

I can agree that it Jesus gave us the respondsibility of pointing out what Scriptue says is sinful, but to take away a person's freedom of choice, which is not just a American freedom, for now, but something that was give man by God.
16 And the LORD God commanded the man, "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; 17 but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die."
This is good, this is bad. You can choose.
1 Corinthians 10:23
23"Everything is permissible"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible"—but not everything is constructive."

Even better......
God so loved the world that sent his Son that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have eternal life. And that's it, basically, the whole Gospel. Notice anything about rules in there? No. All He asks is that we believe.
I believe, do you?

Who's right and who's dead?

I found this interesting little tidbit on MSN.

"In evangelical world, a liberal view steps up
Following Carter’s lead, progressives work to transform movement"
It makes me wounder if there should even be parties. Why can't we all just get along?

Really, what would Jesus do?

I found Jesus at the coffee shop!

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Sometimes we find God in the strangest places. its not always on a mountain top
(in the colorado rockies!) or on some deserted beach, or even in church. some
times he comes to us finds us when we least expect it. in the middle of a
traffic jam when we're late for work, in the shower or the bathroom. or in our
favorite coffee shop. now, i'm not saying he's not in the other places or some
where else, but rather that he often, for me, makes his presence know when i
least expect it. i'm too often distracted in the 'listening' to always hear.
for me, his voice speaks to me in the midst of some struggle (when i seem to
need him the most?).
my favorite coffee shop these days would have to be the spotted cow, in the
mill creek area, and as of late, it is where i go (when Im not in church) to
listen for his voice. but lately, i've been hearing him alot less there, and
more in the unexpected places of my life (such as the ones listed above).
thats not to say i will stop looking for him in the other places, he's still
there, and i will continue to speak to him there, but i accept that i may not
always hear him there. So where do you find god, or rather, where does he find

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Things that make you go "What the .....?"

Its late. Almost 2:30 am. What am I doing up still? Well the couple of Mike's I had, 2 vicodon, and misc. sleepy pills haven't put me down yet. Although I feel really great!
So I decided to practice some songs on my guitar. I'm not all that great....yet. I've only been playing a few months. I some times accompany another guitarist in our church, and a few weeks ago, in order to give that gal a week off, I played lead...ALONE.
Let me put this way...... "Where am I, and what's with this handbasket?"
Hell.... in church of all places! Practice before was good, I only really struggled with one song. But as soon as it was time to play, well there was this fan...and some feces! First, my sweet, darling angel daughters thought it would be nice to help daddy hold the guitar.....and then drop it! Okay, I've got it, its alright. But as I go to strum the first notes of the first song, oh sweet Lord! Kill that dying cow already! Quick, I'll just barrow someone else's guitar. Yeah, there's a great idea. So I stumble thru the first few songs, and make it to the break. As it happens, someone close by knows how to tune a guitar by 'magic'. So I'm back in business, right? Yeah, until my guitar gets hungry and eats 2 of my picks (into the sound hole, never to return).
Well, they have invited me to try it again. That's forgiveness for ya! This time I'll be ready.
So after an hour or so shredding my fingers for the Lord, I surfed around a bit.
That's when I saw it. And I said "What the ......?". Could it be? Somewhere, there is a surgical student, practicing a procedure that will become the next Botox. It will probably have a fancy medical name, but for now I'll call it 'Rectal-cranial appendectomy'. Because for the next 3 1/2 years there will be many cases of Cranial-rectal insertion. Case in point, see here!
I KNOW! "What the ...... were they thinking?"
I'll let you decide!
Good night!

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Call me something else!

I am a member. I don't have a card, or a certificate, or even a (members only) jacket. I'm a member of my Church, an EVANGELICAL Covenant church. I became a member because I wanted to belong, and when my family came, it felt right. I also wanted to be part of the changes that were taking place, so voting was also a factor.
At a local Emergent Workshop (a convention, in the liberal sense, for Christians who love God but hate, ok, dislike mainstream church) I heard several people discussing the "Evangelical issue". I had never given much thought to the word evangelic, but having heard it was an 'Issue' I wanted to know more.
As it turns out the word means:
"of or pertaining to or in keeping with the Christian gospel especially as in the first 4 books of the New Testament 3: marked by ardent or zealous enthusiasm for a cause "
Okay, so what's the issue? Apparently, some people associate the word with the more extreme zealots. Those of the religious right mindset. Um, not so good.
Lets see what else people might be saying......
Taken from The OOze blog, who inturn took from Business Week......
"Evangelicals' eager embrace of corporate-style growth strategies is giving them a tremendous advantage in the battle for religious market share..."
What exactly is Religious market share? I don't remember reading about that in any of the above mentioned 4 Gospels.
I'm not so sure I like being Evangelical. So what about Neo-Evangelics?
Here are some characteristics of what a N.E. might be.........
"toleration toward, questionable views of Scripture" Hmm, tell me more.....
"Enthusiasm over cooperative evangelism, even to the extent of aligning with groups that have been traditionally subversive of Bible truth (e.g., Roman Catholicism)." Are the Catholics so evil?
"Unbiblical views regarding God's role for women" This one I really like read below to see what some "Regular evangelicals might see when they read some scripture. Its funny, but scary!
[A woman cannot teach with authority; e.g., in Sunday School classes, Bible conferences, etc. When a woman stands before a mixed crowd that includes men and opens the Bible and preaches or teaches, she is taking authority.] For Adam was first formed, then Eve. [The woman was created after the man to be his help meet, not his head. Obviously, this is NOT a cultural matter, but is based upon the order of creation; this establishment of the principle of order transcends culture!] And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived [“quite deceived” (NASB—Gen. 3:13)] was in the transgression. [Therefore, the woman was not spiritually qualified to teach because of (1) the order of creation, and (2) the facts of the Fall.] Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, [i.e., she will be occupying herself with the duties of the home and family (as evidence of her salvation given through the birth of the Messiah), and will receive her fulfillment/purpose in life in that arena] if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety [“self-restraint” (NASB)]. (taken from rapidnet?)
"Based upon a generally weak view of Scripture, there has been a natural shift from objective Biblical doctrine to subjective experience -- allowance for the possible validity of apostolic sign-gifts for our own day (prophecy, tongues, miracles of healing through special persons, etc.)."
"Maintains broad ecumenical fellowship, even to the extent of being involved in the apostate National and World Council of Churches; evangelicals are even urged "to obtain all or part of their training at liberal universities and seminaries" in order to "give evangelism more clout." The conservative is called upon to welcome the neo-orthodox as friends and brethren since "truth is welcomed wherever it is preached." This ecumenism generally involves the elevation of "love" above doctrine." Spoken like a true Fundamentalist! So we should stay clear of those 'dirty' unbelievers?
There's more, but I think ive said enough. Seems like N.E.s are evilWith.with all that love and acceptance crap. HUH?
I read a book (yes I did!) by Donald Miller, called "Searching for God knows what", in whicdescribesctoday'sodays Christian culture as being in a life boat. Only the majority of "Christians" send time trying to pull other Christians out of other lifeboats, rather than helping those still in the water (Unbelievers). *Please bear in mind this is his description, not mine, so no nasty comments from those who are wet. ; ' )
So from what I can see, N.E. are looking to the water, not the other boats......
that'sthats a bad thing.?
Im so confused......not!

Put that on my calender.

I have a small obsession. Can an obsession be small? Oh well. Any way, I like to comb the internet for bumper stickers (and t-shirts). Silly, but I like it. I currently have 2 on my own car (stickers not shirts): "Christian, not close minded" and "Doing my part to piss off the religious right". I also have one on my lap top: "Jesus IS a Liberal".
Okay, so there's a theme.
So on my way to nowhere yesterday, I saw one that made me think then laugh: "NONjudgement day is coming soon". Im not sure what the owner's intent was, but I think its great. I would love to believe the day is near that people will stop being so judgemental. (Another fun one: "Judgemental people suck!")
So I went looking online for that one but all I found was the following (in no particular order):
"Repent Republican sinner!"
"Friends don't let friends drink Starbucks"
"Annoy a Conservative: Do Justice, Love Mercy, Walk Humbly"
"Always remember: Pillage first, THEN burn!"
"Cleverly Disguised as a Responsible Adult"
"My cult-like following is now accepting applications"
(personal fav)"Heavily medicated for your safety "
"Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?"
(For my wife the nurse)"Is there an imaginary cure for hypochondria?"
And last for now: " Crush Me, Squeeze Me, Make Me Wine"
I also just ordered 3 shirts for some friends:

"This IS my vestment"

"The shirt I find myself in"

And "God reads my blog!-"
More later.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Everyone else is doin' it.

So a friend finally dragged me to see the new Star Wars movie. I was glad for the time out with my friend, and I got to drive his new Jeep. (Kinda like trying to steer a toaster oven while wearing oven mitts. What? Oven mitts? Come on, toast gets hot!) Anyway, we were abit late for the first showing, and the next was sold out, so we had to decide on House of Wax (I hear Paris Hilton does die!) or Kingdom of Orlando....or somewthing like that. As it turns out we bought tickets for one of those, and then snuck into the already started showing of SW. From what I gathered, we could have showed up another 20 min. later and I still wouldn't have missed much. Stupid is not nearly strong enough for this film. I found my self cheering for the bad guys, because the good guys were so lame! And if I had to hear "Oh Ani!" one more time, there was going to be blood......from my ears!
Well, it WAS free, so I guess I can't complain to much. At least the series is done. No more crazy SW fans, littering the sidewalk, waiting for the next tickets to go on sale. Maybe next time we'll catch Paris!

Death becomes him....

File this under shitty day. Or maybe not.
I found out this afternoon, that a friend of mine's dad just died.
Not having had many peole in my life (close people) die, I'm never sure how to react to that kind of thing. My first thought was "Oh that sucks!" followed quickly by "Glad I still have my dad." followed then by "What a schmuck for thinking that!"
Oh well. So I said to myself, self we should give him a call, maybe send a card. Yes, that would be the easy, non messy thing to do. Don't get all caught up in the emotional turmoil. What an ass!
Well, as luck would have it, my route home took me by his place (or perhaps luck had nothing to do with it) and as I crept slowly by, I saw his wife standing out side.
"Shoot, I think she saw me. Now I have to stop, or I'll really look like an ass."
As it turned out, she hadn't saw me, and was glad I stopped. My friend was home and was also glad to see me. Turned out he was doing alright and we had a great chat. We talked about some current events, and he showed me some pictures. I even prayed for him before I left, which is pretty far out of my comfort zone, too.
Driving away, I was glad I had stopped, even if I almost hadn't. Our chat gave me something to think about. What if it had been my dad? Have I said everything I need to, done everything I want to? Has he? I tell ya what, Im gonna find out, before we're out of time.