Friday, August 12, 2005


I often joke that I'm and asshole. Maybe its no joke.......

I was reading a blog briefly this morning. One that I had never seen before (and now can't seemed to find again). This guy was lamenting about getting older. Basically he was saying he used to have a pretty good memory, but now he was on some medication and getting older and was forgetting everything. Bottom line was that even though he may forget to pick up his kids from school or turn off the oven, he also was quick to forget hurtful remarks that others mite make. He was okay with that.
I have a completely opposite problem. No I'm not suddenly getting younger, but I am remembering more. Its kinda erie sometimes. I have been taking medication for awhile now to help with some adult ADHD, and it has a few side affects. One is I have lost almost 20 pounds. (Damn I needed that!) and two, I am remembering a lot more. For example, I went and worked on a house (I'm an electrician sometimes) that someone else had worked on. After only a few hours there, I was able to explain to the owner over the phone almost 2 weeks later how something worked, and why he might be having the problem. At the time it was no big deal. It felt natural. But looking back, it was amazing to me. Of course it has its down side, too(no, I'm not wasting away). I remember almost everything, good or bad.
I've always been an easy going guy. Able to let most things slide right off. Punch me in the face, yeah I might get mad, but a few days later, I would have forgotten all about it. Now, better watch it! Another side affect is that I seem to process emotions differently. Used to be I was pretty even tempered. Something bad happened, I would make a joke about it till it didn't hurt anymore. I didn't realize I was doing it until now.
Now, I feel every individual emotion. No cover up.
So over the weekend, I said some pretty stupid things to someone very close to me. Hurtful things. At the time, I thought what I was saying was important. Now, I realize I was just being a prick. I've also come to realize other people have good memories too. And have for quite some time. All though at times I was able to let the hurtful things just slide away, others didn't have that luxury. I took it and them for granted. I may have lost friends because of it, and not even known it.
Well, I have apologized to the person I have hurt, but I know that the pain I caused won't just go away like that. It will probably take some time.....and hugs.....and flowers.....and maybe chocolate.
I will say this, I am damn glad that God doesn't choose to remember all the times I acted like some kinda 'window licker'...... (Lord, I apologize......). I know that because I have accepted his grace, I am fully forgiven. Past, present (although at the moment, I am being rather well behaved) and future mistakes are already forgiven and forgotten. I am not in danger of "losing my salvation". He's not looking for a reason to cross me off his 'good' list. If only people were that quick to forgive, and that willing to forget. But, its not our nature. So I will have to accept that healing from the pain I caused may take a little while.
Thank you Lord for your forgetfulness!

2 Whatcha talkin' 'bout, Willis?

Blogger Sharol whispered...

Good Post.

Yes, thank-you Lord for your forgetfulness. Amen

11:23 AM  
Blogger Allen Snook whispered...

Well said my friend. Now, how about a trip to chuck-e-cheeses? I bet you'll be happy there.


12:53 PM  

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